I had to go through Kaitlyn’s things immediately after we got them home from her apartment, because leaving them in my garage may have caused harm to them with wetness and mildew, and I didn’t want that to happen. As I very painfully went through all her things, stopping so very often to just bury my head into her things (her clothes were the hardest) and cry, I also felt a great mix of many emotions. How dare I? How dare I go through all the beautiful things that she so carefully, excitedly, happily and painstakingly bought. She never bought anything lightly; everything was for a purpose whether it was for leisure, practability, or for beautifying her surroundings into the apartment that she decorated so expertly. How could I go through those things, putting in stacks of which place they would go, Goodwill, to me, her sister Stephanie, or to the people that had a special interest in the things she did like running. She had so many nice running outfits, Garmin mile tracker, professional scales and just so many things. Those things are HERS!! Pieces of her life that told so much of her story, the special person that she was. How dare I pass them on like they were only things. Her soul is in them. Oh God, what a torture it was.
I have kept so many of her things, as many as I could make use of and some just for keepsakes. Her beautiful living room furniture now inhabits mine and gives it a beauty that it’s never had before. Her White Coat hangs in my closet with stethoscope, some of her medical supplies, and the beautiful dress jacket that she bought especially for her clinical orientation. She gave so much thought to those selections.
These things I surround myself with are not a shrine, for I don’t believe in those, but they are a testament and a physical memory of all she was, the beautiful taste she had, and I will cherish them.