I see you there

The memory of our last day out together the week before you died, will forever me etched into my mind. This was your suggestion for you knew that all we would do if we stayed home is watch our favorite movies together, which we always enjoyed, but you wanted us to do more that day. You had just come off of a 6 week long intensive, very self-disciplined study time for your upcoming medical state boards, (the most important test in med school) and you wanted to do some special things when you got home. Kaitlyn had isolated herself with her intense study and she told me that she saw very few people during this time because she wanted to devote most of her time to study. I know she must have felt lonely and isolated. So off to Wilmington we went, first going to Independence mall to shop at some of her favorite clothes shops. Then on to Mayfair where we went and ate steak. I can still see you there, across from me at the table as the waitress brought that mouthwatering looking steak to you. This was going to be a treat for you, as you usually did not eat steak due to the high fat etc. But by gosh, you enjoyed that steak with relish! It was so good to see you enjoy it.

Then it was on to Victoria’s secret where we spent a good deal of time picking out just the things she wanted. During all this process she stopped to ask me often if I wanted to buy anything for myself. I told her no, that this was her day and I enjoyed watching her shop and enjoying herself. (I NEVER enjoy watching anyone else shop, only her)
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Then it was on to the movies where we watched “Olympus has Fallen.” It was a very violent movie, but it was really good and exciting and I told her I teared up at the end.

I see her face, those beautiful eyes that were so full of life. The short hair that she said she was now trying to grow back. I loved to twill the back of her hair when it was short like that, and I did that a few times that day. I feel her body next to mine as I hugged her so often and did that day as well. Sometimes when we were walking she would just put her arms around me and give me a hug that said, “I love you Momma.” I see her fair hair, her fair skin, her beautiful athletic body that she worked so hard to achieve. I see within her the beautiful soul that she had, and I know it’s still somewhere, for something that beautiful, with that much energy and life force cannot disappear. Energy never disappears and takes on another form after that form no longer exists. But it continues to exist, and she is still with me, that beautiful soul.

So that was our last day together, just us. Little did I know it would be our last mother/daughter day that would ever be. I looked forward to many more. But I have this memory, and the memory of many more wonderful experiences we had. I see you there Kaitlyn……..

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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