When she went away to college

When Kaitlyn graduated high school and was about to go away to college in 2008, I feel like most mothers do when their youngest leaves the nest. I felt I would miss her so much and we were so close and I enjoyed being with her so much, I couldn’t stand it. But I didn’t tell her how much because I wanted her to fly away to continue to grow into the wonderful woman she was becoming and be successful. Not stay around with us old people. Anyway, I wrote her something. It’s not a poem, it’s just some things I wanted her to know that I would miss, these things and more. I missed her so much when she left. I think I stayed in a horrible empty nest syndrome from the day she left and I was lonely for her. I never let on just how much though. Here is what I wrote her before she left. Imagine how I’ll miss her for the rest of my life and this was just away to college.

I’m Going To Miss…….

I’m going to miss all the talks we’ve had
About the world, the universe, and the politics of our country.

All the times you came home going straight to me with a big
giant hug and smiling face.

East Wind with you.

The times you came to me wanting to change the rules because you thought you were too mature and grown up for the ones that were in place at that time.

I’m going to miss the times you talked to me about your plans for the future and house you may have one day.

All the times I sat in the bleachers to watch you in the band at games, in the band at contests. The times I sat in the audience as you received your many, many awards and honors.

Ann of Green Gables, Dr. Quinn, & The Universe.

The awards you won in art, and going to see them on display.

All the books and movies of Harry Potter and how you would buy the book at midnight when they came out, and then stay up all night reading on into the next day until you read it all. The excitement and anticipation you had before each book would come out.

All the times I read in the paper of your achievements.

I’m going to miss waking up in the morning, peaking in your room and seeing your blonde head lying on that pillow and you all snuggled under the covers.

The sound of your car as it comes driving up after school, work, or anywhere you have been.

I’m going to miss your “courtesy calls” because you are too old for a curfew.

All the times I discovered that you had Mythie in the house before I got home from work.

Hearing you say you love me in person many times a day.

I’m going to miss knowing you’re here.

All these things I will miss just like the things I miss today……

I miss looking in the crib and seeing you playing with your mobile.

Seeing your little head bobbing up and down on the floor as you try to learn to crawl.

The way your head always smelled when you were a baby.

When you were only two, when you gave me hugs, how you would linger in my arms and didn’t try to get away and squeeze me tight.

I miss the way you would get in my lap and like to be there.

“The monster is going to get you…..” in the tub.

The way we would “lay up” when we watched TV together.

The way you would fall deeply in love with every kitten we had and insist on naming each and every one of them, no matter HOW many we had, and your expecting me to remember all the names, and then drill me on it frequently.

Pokemon, Spongebob, Barbie, and Lizzie Meguire,

I miss how you always beat me at any game, even at age 5.…maybe younger.

The way you were so competitive and my trying to teach you to lose gracefully, even though losing anything was rare with you.

I miss THE monopoly game.

The times you would try to get me to buy you hats everywhere we went.

Your little girl voice.

How you were brave enough to get on any ride at any amusement park, even braver than all of us.

The way you would crawl in my bed on Saturday morning and we would lie there and talk long periods of time about any and everything.

I’m going to miss all of these things, but I look forward to the many new special moments to come as you enter your college years and young womanhood and I can hardly wait to experience them with you. They will all be as special as the memories so far.

You are truly a special person and a wonderful daughter. Thank you so much for all the memories you have given me in your life so far….they’re all in my mind and in my heart and will be there forever.

I’m going to miss you……. here.

Love, Mom


About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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