Just some memories

Dillard’s. That’s the first thing I saw on facebook as I logged on just now. An ad from Dillard’s. Suddenly I am thrust back to mine and Kaitlyn’s last day out together just before her death when we went on our mother/daughter day. First place we went to is Independence Mall where she wanted to go to some of her favorite stores to find some business attire to wear to some of her clinical and orientation for her beginning of 3rd year med school. I remember us walking in and being overpowered with the smell of the food at the food court. It smelled so good and especially of the Japanese food we loved. But we overcame that, knowing that what we were going to get was a nice juicy steak at Mayfaire later on.

We went from shop to shop and I remember watching her as she so carefully looked at clothes from rack to rack. She asked me if I wanted to buy something for myself, and I told her no, this was her day to shop and I enjoyed just being with her. She smiled that sweet smile of hers. I remember she had found some things to try on and I sat on the chair outside the dressing rooms and waited on her. I remember distinctly the feeling of how good it made me feel to be out with her somewhere as we were not able to do so very often anymore due to her going to college. I still remember the look of triumph as she came out of the dressing room stating that she loved most of what she tried on and would be getting them. We went to another store, she found things there too. Then we went to a shoe store there and she looked and looked and tried on many pairs of shoes. But she never found anything she was satisfied with, so stated she had to make do with what she had at home. I remember looking at her while she was browsing around and I was sitting down. She was wearing jeans that fit tightly at the legs and I remember how sculpted her calves were and I commented on it. She said, “Oh momma, is it too much?” And I said no, it looked good. She smiled.

Then it was on to Mayfaire Mall where the first order of business was to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse. She ordered the petite steak that I think was 7 oz. Of course, I ordered the one that was twice that size. These steaks would melt in your mouth. I can see her now, enjoying that steak. She rarely gave herself the treat of a steak anymore.

We left there at went to Victoria’s secret and I have never seen anyone take so much care and time buying underwear. I never could find all that she bought. She was probably wearing that beautiful $50.00 bra she bought, the most beautiful bra I had ever seen, when she died. They threw it away I’m sure, for I never saw it in her apartment. I so wish they had given it back, I would have had her buried in it.

Then we went to the movies and had a great time. I’ve written about that experience and many more of the last experiences of that mother/daughter day many times in this blog. But it’s just that it was so special to me. I can just see her face and her pretty total being.

She went on a week trip to see her boyfriend the following Monday morning. A week later she came back very happy when we picked her up at the airport. Later on that day, she said it was time for her to go, we hugged, many times as I could never easily let her go any time she left. I prayed to the Lord to keep her safe, as I always did. I saw her put her cat in the car, hug her daddy again, told our dog Savannah goodbye, got into that black Honda Civic, backed out of our yard, drive to the stop sign. Then I saw her turn right, and watched her til she drove out of sight, never to see or talk to her ever again.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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