Things I can and cannot do

Things I hope to never do again

1. Watch Grey’s Anatomy (was once one of Kaitlyn’s favorite shows and mine too, but I can’t watch due to it reminding me of where she will never get to……residency).

2. Watch House. This was one of Kaitlyn’s favorite shows, if not her most favorite. I thought he was mean, but liked the show, she loved him. I can’t watch because this also reminds me of what she will never get to be. An MD.

3. Ever go to Winston-Salem again. No explanation needed.

Some things I will do that you think I would not want to.

1. Go through her things often, look at old pictures, look at the video I made of her, read her suicide note (I’ve read it 100 times at least trying to understand), though as time goes by it hurts more and more to do these things.

2. Watch our favorite movies, though I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, which was one of our favorites. She was supposed to bring the DVDs down when she was home for Easter so we could watch them, but she forgot. Unfortunately, they are all here now and mine to keep.

3. Be able to watch one of our Favorite movies Contact with Jodi Foster. I loved it because it had to do with finding life outside our universe, something I’ve always been fascinated in and believe in. Also, because the main character that Jodi Foster played, reminded me of Kaitlyn in many ways. Brilliant, held fast to her beliefs no matter if no one else believed in them.

4. Be able to watch the movie Dragon Fly. This is one of my favorite movies with Kevin Costner playing in it. I introduced this to Kaitlyn, but I don’t think she liked it as much as I do. It has to do with someone that has died trying to contact her husband to tell him something very important.

5. Be able to watch another one of our favorite movies, “Somewhere in Time” where this man fell in love with a woman that lived many years past by looking at her picture and transformed himself back in time to be with her. We were both romantics and it would always make us cry.

6. Watch the movie “City of Angels” where an angel fell in love with a mortal on earth. We both loved it.

7. Watch The Sixth Sense. We both loved it too.

I guess, I can really do most anything as long as it doesn’t remind me of what she so wanted to be, an MD, but she was hurting so much inside, she let that go.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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