Things I’m sorry for

Kaitlyn, I just want to tell you some things that I am sorry for that I did or didn’t do when you were growing up and all.

1. I’m sorry I spanked you when you were little for going UP the sliding board at McDonalds like I told you not to do. You never let me live that down, believe me. You brought that up to me until the last time I saw you. It was always a running joke with you because there was no one else at the playground and going up the slide would not have been dangerous and you thought it a horrible injustice.

2. I’m sorry that I never completed that book you bought me “Chicken Soup for the Mother’s soul.” I read most of it, but I was incredibly busy during that time of my life and didn’t read much, and it hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry. I promise to read the rest of it, too little too late. I only lacked a few pages finishing.

3. I’m sorry I never finished the 2nd book of the Harry Potter series that you tried to talk me into reading for months. Then one day you came to me and with a twinkle in your eyes of a person that wants to share their joy with someone they love (I do this too), you slid that book into my lap. You were a young girl then. I never did finish that second one (but I did read all the first one, and watched every one of the movies and enjoyed them all).

4. I’m sorry that I never put water into the pyramid waterfall you bought me to watch it flow. But I put it out on display when you gave it to me and it is still there.

5. I’m sorry about the day in 2001 when we took you and your sister to pick up our first Harley-Davidson at the HD dealership. They had said it was ready, but we actually had to wait there the entire day and ya’ll were bored out of your minds. You wanted us to buy you a special Harley-Davidson Monopoly game, but we wouldn’t buy it for you. I have really felt guilty about that one ever since. You never wanted to set foot in another Harley place since fearing some kind of horrible wait. 🙂

6. But most of all Kaitlyn, I’m sorry I couldn’t see into your soul, heart and mind to know that you were troubled. I never saw it, but you never wanted me to see it.

Other than these things Kaitlyn, I’m sorry of nothing that went on in our relationship while you were growing up. Though I was busy in nursing school when you were a baby until you were 3, time spent with you never went lacking. I enjoyed you SO much. You had a good, stable home with parents that loved both you and your sister and each other. And the most important thing is you KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were loved, and you were loved and cherished oh so very much. I have no regrets, no guilt, because I loved you so much I never missed an opportunity to tell you and make you know it.

I do feel bad about the little things 1-5 that I didn’t take the time to do, but those are the only things I can think of so I don’t think I traumatized you too much. But the # 6, well, that one I couldn’t help, but I so wish I could have.

I love you Kaitlyn

Disney world

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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