I will save your place

I go again, as I often do, to Kaitlyn’s old room. Two years ago, 3 years after she left for college, I finally redecorated it, but kept the same furniture because it’s beautiful. A very important piece of furniture is her bookshelf and the books she left behind. I can see inside her soul and the search that she was forever on in becoming who she was and was to be. There are endless books on artists like Van Gogh that feature the art they created in each and every one. There are many different versions of the bible and many works of C.S. Lewis. Of course there are all the Harry Potter books that she so cherished, she left them here, though loved them still, right upon her shelf. All her high school yearbooks stare at me upon their lofty heights, shouting out the future that was so bright. Many books of poetry like Emily Dickenson and books by authors such as Steven King, and some I don’t think she ever read, that may have been given as gifts. I gave her a book called “Bid Time Return” that was used as the basis of the movie Somewhere in Time. Oh how I wish I could bid time return. There are college entrance books and some books she used in high school. There’s the book she often told me she hated that she had to read in school, “All Quiet on the Western Front.” It’s a wonder she kept it. There’s a romance novel that must have been given to her, because I never knew her to read these type books, although she was a romantic, I don’t think she thought these books deep enough. There are books on different religions and one’s that question religion, and old classics.

Though this is probably the one hundredth time I’ve looked at her shelf, I still find things I never noticed before. I find two more small picture albums she must have done when she was a child because she was a child in them. I find a diary that has nothing written in it. I find many diaries that were never started, perhaps they were gifts. I find a book I did not know she had called “The Lovely Bones” that had a bookmark left in it 2/3rds into the book. A cat bookmark that said “I will save your place.” A statement that would last an eternity.

“I will save your place.” I would save your place forever if only……..


About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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