I am so very, very sad

My heart is an endless pool of sorrow. Hot, sharp daggers are thrust in and out of it at all times. This is when it’s at its best, my soul. For there are the really hard times when the grief I feel is so intense it brings me to my knees and takes my breath away.

Visions of you permeate my brain. Memories like a video slide show play in my mind. The sweet memories, they stand there all innocent like a sweet smelling flower but are immediately tackled to the ground by hurt that is within me. One is never without the other, innocent flower always knocked to the ground.

My days are filled wondering how I will get on without you. You were such a huge part of my life. You were part of me.

In your dark cloud that overtook you on that last day, you could not have possibly known the affect this would have on me. You said you were sorry and you hoped we could be happy again. I’m sorry, but your hope will not become a reality. I just can’t envision happiness again. Not without you somewhere on this earth.

How does a broken heart such as this ever function right again? How does one’s mind heal from the broken images I see? How do I separate the sweet images tarnished with grief? How do I live again?

I am so full of grief, so full of sorrow, just so very, very sad at your loss. You could have never known what it would do to those you left behind. The pain gets worse every day and I feel like my heart will literally burst. Oh my gosh the hole you left in my soul!!

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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2 Responses to I am so very, very sad

  1. soulmatelost says:

    I am so sorry and having a loss to suicide, I partly know your pain.

    Like

  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you.

    Like

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