I believe in life after death. I have decided that the only comfort I can get at this time are from the signs that are given to me that I think, are from Kaitlyn. I know very well that people that are grief stricken so very horribly that if they WANT to see a sign, they will make something out of anything to interpret as a sign, whether it is a true sign or not. Maybe this is what I’m doing, I don’t know. But for now, I’m living on the few crumbs that are given me.

I posted before about the dream I had of Kaitlyn a few weeks ago. I won’t post it again, but it’s farther down in my blog. I believe with all my heart that she was telling me something. She looked so happy in that dream. She had short hair and looked just like she did before she died and I could just see her radiating from happiness.

After about a month after she died, someone I know very well had a dream about Kaitlyn, 3 times, in which Kaitlyn wanted her to give me a message. This person did not tell me about it until the 3rd message at which time Kaitlyn said, “Why haven’t you told my mom?” At that time she told me. This made me feel so good. I also posted about this way down in my blog.

Kaitlyn knew I loved the movie “Dragonfly” and she had bought me a tea pot with dragonflies on it. After she died my husband and I went on a trip for 2 weeks (I grieved all the way through it) and the whole time I was there I saw dragonflies everywhere and even bought 2 necklaces with dragonflies on it. The Native American in South Dakota I bought one of the necklaces from (she had made it) said that a dragonfly was a sign of protection to them. When we got home, there was a dragonfly on my front door. Was this a message or just my mind’s desperate attempt to make some connection with Kaitlyn; to somehow know that she is somewhere safe and happy? I don’t know, but I’m taking it as a sign. I can do that. It makes me feel better.

Two nights ago, my husband brought to me a coin that he said he just found in our spare change tin. It was a thick brown coin which I knew from the look and feel that it was not from the United States or Canada. I collect coins and I could tell. However, at that time, (my interest in everything has declined since Kaitlyn died) I did not even have the interest to look closer at the coin. Today I decided to look at it closer. The coin was from Tanzania. Tanzania is an African country that Kaitlyn visited for a few weeks during the time she was in undergrad at Campbell University. I do not remember her giving me coins from there when she got home. I don’t remember seeing them in her personal belongings that I have either. So how did that coin get there? There has never been an instance where I have seen any African coin, or any other coin other than Canadian or UK in change. Could this be a sign? I’ll happily take it as one.

Yes, I’m hungry for signs and I’ll take what I can get. Kaitlyn must know that I’m dying a slow death of sorrow here. Perhaps she is showing me these things to let me know she still is… existence.

Below is a picture of Kaitlyn when she was a little girl. Notice the dragonfly on her shirt.


About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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6 Responses to Signs

  1. Neal says:

    When I run after work outside my office, dragonflies sun themselves on the path I use. As I run past them, they launch to get out of the way, and then land again after I’ve gone past.

    I was also at a swimming hole in a quarry over the weekend. There were lots of tiny dragonflies, the kind that can probably land on the water. My friends told me that lots of them were landing on my face and head. They landed on every part of my body that was out of the water, until I submerged it. But, they didn’t seem to land on anyone else.

    I didn’t read this before I read this post, but now I think about those dragonflies differently. I’m so grateful that you share these stories and pieces of information with me. I cherish being able to connect to things she loved and things that made her happy. It doesn’t make me feel happy especially, but it helps me feel close to her. I need as much of that as I can get.


  2. gatito2 says:

    Neal, I think you need to take that as a sign from Kaitlyn. What you wrote made me have chills. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I have been comforted in many ways with feelings of her closeness the last couple of days. I have more of a feeling of peace today than at any time since she died. It couldn’t have come at a better time because I don’t think I could have gotten any lower than I was. I also know however, that with any ounce of peace I have at any time, rare though they are, my mind and heart make up for it 10 fold soon thereafter with a horrible decent into grief. But for now, I feel peaceful somewhat, feeling like she is near or within me or something. I have to take any ounce of comfort I can find and I hope the dragonflies comfort you the same way. I wish you peace Neal. As I always told you, Kaitlyn picked her friends well, you are proof of that.


  3. Neal says:

    You’re right. I will take it as a sign. I’m running with the dragonflies in a few minutes after work. I’ll think of them differently this time. I think about Kaitlyn a lot when I run. But I’m less sad than when I think about her during the rest of the day somehow. It’s one of the few places I can reliably find peace.

    I’m really glad you’ve found some peace. I hope it lingers and I wish you as much peace as you can get. And thank you for saying I was a good friend. I always appreciate your kind words.


  4. gatito2 says:

    Thank you Neal. Enjoy your run and all of your runs. I know it reminds you of Kaitlyn.


  5. Gemma says:

    I had to share this with you. This weekend just gone, I went to the Bay of Islands (a beautiful part of New Zealand) with a couple of family members. I suddenly thought about your blog and your post about dragonflies. I thought to myself, “I never see dragonflies. Do we even have them in NZ?” Then, we went to our motel. I walked in and saw a painting on the wall…of a dragonfly, with the Maori word “Aroha” (love) next to it.

    The next day, we went across to the historic township of Russell. We visited a church and on the pews were embroidered cushions. On one of the cushions I happened to glance closely at was an embroidered dragonfly.

    I think Carl Jung called such experiences synchronic.


  6. gatito2 says:

    Wow, that’s amazing! Thank you for sharing that with me. I so so many dragonflies yesterday when I was at a burger place ordering food. Well, actually it was just one that kept going back and forth the entire time I was there.


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