I was lucky to have been blessed with two daughters. One now is no longer with us on earth. In my all-encompassing grief, I rarely talk about the other people that are so very hurt by my youngest child Kaitlyn taking her own life. It’s not that I don’t realize their pain or acknowledge it; it’s just that I can’t speak for them. I can only speak for myself. I don’t know how to put their grief into words. I can only do that for myself.
My daughter Stephanie is 27 and married and Kaitlyn, who was 23, was her only sibling. Stephanie is hurt and I believe as time goes by, she hurts worse and the reality sinks in even heavier. She will never have a niece or a nephew or a brother in law. She will never be able to take her sister to eat sushi again or talk about their favorite books and classical music. No more Christmas eve nights at Nanny’s with her as we all gather around or Christmas mornings all together. The family will never be whole again. Even at my Mom’s house where the entire house is full on Christmas, there will be a special person always missing. So I feel for Stephanie. She, like all of us, has lost part of her future. She has lost her sister. Her only one.
Recently a very nice person commented on one of my blog entries and mentioned a certain song that she always played, along with some others, at his birthday or anniversary of her son’s death. This video I had never heard of before. It’s called “Over You” by Miranda Lambert. The real story of this song is that her husband, Blake Shelton lost his brother many years ago to an auto accident. Miranda and Blake wrote this song in his brother’s honor and Miranda sang it because Blake could not. Though it is about the death of a male, it is about the death of a sibling. It was by accident, not suicide, but death is just as final either way and the loss is horrendous. I think of Stephanie and her grief when I see this video and listen to the words. I dedicate this video to you Stephanie. I love you with all my heart and I’m so sorry you lost your sister.