Never get over you

I was lucky to have been blessed with two daughters. One now is no longer with us on earth. In my all-encompassing grief, I rarely talk about the other people that are so very hurt by my youngest child Kaitlyn taking her own life. It’s not that I don’t realize their pain or acknowledge it; it’s just that I can’t speak for them. I can only speak for myself. I don’t know how to put their grief into words. I can only do that for myself.

My daughter Stephanie is 27 and married and Kaitlyn, who was 23, was her only sibling. Stephanie is hurt and I believe as time goes by, she hurts worse and the reality sinks in even heavier. She will never have a niece or a nephew or a brother in law. She will never be able to take her sister to eat sushi again or talk about their favorite books and classical music. No more Christmas eve nights at Nanny’s with her as we all gather around or Christmas mornings all together. The family will never be whole again. Even at my Mom’s house where the entire house is full on Christmas, there will be a special person always missing. So I feel for Stephanie. She, like all of us, has lost part of her future. She has lost her sister. Her only one.

Recently a very nice person commented on one of my blog entries and mentioned a certain song that she always played, along with some others, at his birthday or anniversary of her son’s death. This video I had never heard of before. It’s called “Over You” by Miranda Lambert. The real story of this song is that her husband, Blake Shelton lost his brother many years ago to an auto accident. Miranda and Blake wrote this song in his brother’s honor and Miranda sang it because Blake could not. Though it is about the death of a male, it is about the death of a sibling. It was by accident, not suicide, but death is just as final either way and the loss is horrendous. I think of Stephanie and her grief when I see this video and listen to the words. I dedicate this video to you Stephanie. I love you with all my heart and I’m so sorry you lost your sister.



About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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4 Responses to Never get over you

  1. Lisa says:

    I’ve always loved this song and it has won many many awards. This post reminds me so much of Danny and how he’s lost his only sibling. His parents lost their only daughter and their only chance of having any more grandchildren, their only chance of having a son-in-law. The death of a family member breaks the link in a long chain of “to be’s”. I love you Aunt Rhonda! I love you Stephanie!


  2. luciddream85 says:

    Tyrone Wells “Time of Our Lives” …… it’s a song that helped me get through my grandmother’s passing. I took care of her until the day she passed. It’s a different kind of pain than losing a child, I’m sure … but grief is grief, no matter what form it shows up in.

    We have had the time of our lives
    and now the page is turned
    the stories we will write
    we have had the time of our lives
    and I will not forget the faces left behind
    it’s hard to walk away from the best of days
    but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend
    in the time of our lives


  3. gatito2 says:

    I had never heard this song as I have not regularly listened to country music in years. But some of these songs I have found really hit home. I have found a few that really tear me up and tell how I feel. I would still listen to country music and I tried so hard this past fall to start listening to it again, and there’s so much of it I love like Lady Antebellum, Carrie Underwood and a few more, but the stations I listened to played the same ones over and over again and most songs were about pick up trucks, picking up girls, and drinking beer, and that gets so old, so I gave up. But in doing so I miss some of the real gems that come out.

    I do love this song though and the one she sang “The House that Made Me.” Anyway, I just thought of Stephanie when I saw this one. Thank you Lisa, I love you too.


  4. gatito2 says:

    That is so beautiful, thank you for sharing that with me.


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