Field of Stones

Kaitlyn, your tombstone has arrived to the place that it came from across the ocean somewhere and is now at the monument place I bought it from. It’s been there a few weeks now, but I had to wait for the sketcher to come to do the scene I want on it. He came today and I had to go to make sure everything would look good with placing of the sketch, picture, and lettering before they proceed.

Oh it’s a beautiful tombstone Kaitlyn. Worthy of the beautiful person you were and the beautiful spirit you are. It’s a shiny, smooth black granite stone in the shape of a teardrop. Your picture that has been somehow transferred onto an oval smooth stone is beautiful, crisp and clear showing how beautiful you are. This will go near the top near the curve of the upper part of the tear drop. Below that will be the inscription, “I love you bigger than the universe.” Something I’ve told you almost every time I saw you, or emailed you or called you your entire life. Because I do. I love you bigger than what the universe can contain. My love transcends all that is above us; our universe, our galaxy that holds billions of stars, to the other billions of galaxies that also hold billions of stars, which is more than our mere human minds can comprehend. The light-years of space; my love fills that up and spills over. It has and always will. Below this inscription will be the beautiful sketching that the man special from Georgia will be inscribing onto your stone. It will be the scene of a beautiful beach with the sun setting into the ocean. It will be intricate and beautiful. Below this will be your name, Kaitlyn Nicole Elkins. Below that will be 1-19-90 to 4-11-13. As beautiful as it will be, it can never be close to being as beautiful as you.

As I stood there next to the stone as it was sitting on the platform and the sketcher was marking the areas all of this would go for my approval, I ran my hands over the smooth, slick, shiny black stone. I thought about what it would represent; the beautiful person that it will honor. But nothing any human could ever come up with could fully represent your magnificence in all things, but I did my best. I thought about the engraving; how this in no way was any engraving I would ever want to see associated with you….an engraving on a headstone. The engraving I was so looking forward to was a plaque at your medical practice that read, “Kaitlyn Elkins MD.” That plaque will never be so I’m enduring what no mother should ever have to do, the supervision of the words that will go on this stone in a field of other stones that will let people know for years that you once graced this Earth. But they will never know the whole truth; the whole truth of what a remarkable person you were and how very much I love you; how much so many people loved you.

It will soon be placed at the head of your grave in a graveyard that is very old. One day your grave will be very old and I will be gone, but your stone will still shine like glory, just as your presence illuminated this world. I love you Kaitlyn.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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11 Responses to Field of Stones

  1. debbie Batten says:

    Im sure its beauiftul just like she was,love you and prayers always,Debbie Batten

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  2. Rebecca Benton says:

    It will be grand and glorious Rhonda, will capture the way you saw her and just how much she means to you and her Dad. Rest easy knowing she knows all the wonderful things for her you still continue to do., Becki

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  3. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much Becki!

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  4. gatito2 says:

    Thank you Debbie.

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  5. After reading your words here, and oh my do you ever have a way with words……I am a reader, and don’t even know how to explain it, but your words just convey so much in such a way……that I can’t put into words (because I am NOT good with words)….but after reading your words, this is what I thought. Like you said, some day many, many years from now after you are gone, this beautiful headstone will still stand, and someone will pass by this beautiful stone and see it, and see your daughter’s name, and see that she died so terribly young, and they will wonder what her story was….why she was gone at such a young age, and they will know from that headstone that someone must have loved her so much. I just have this feeling they will get that feeling from looking at this beautiful headstone. That they will know that this young lady was very loved, and that she was so very missed.

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  6. gatito2 says:

    Lee Ann, I could not have explained the meaning of my post any better than what you have. You interpreted it exactly as I meant it and for that I’m deeply honored. Thank you oh so very much for understanding what I was trying to say. Rhonda

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  7. Kathleen says:

    I so needed to read this, Rhonda, and I admire your bravery. My son has been gone since October and I cannot even look at tombstones yet. Instead, I put a handmade Madrone wood bench at his grave. His friends and I leave trinkets and letters and stones and shells and such. Your actions have prompted me to move forward on designing a headstone for Palmer. Thank you:)

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  8. gatito2 says:

    Kathleen, instead of laying down and dying when I found out Kaitlyn had died, like I wanted to, I instead did the things I had to do that are the cruelest things any mother could have inflicted upon her. 2 days after her funeral I had to move her things out of her apartment. One of the worst things I’ve done in my life. Many parents can’t even set foot in their children’s room for years after they die and can’t bear to get rid of anything or go through it. I had no choice. She lived in an apartment and I had to empty it. I would let no one else help me except my husband with all her personal things. I wanted no one else going through all that was private. The next day his brothers came and got the big things out like the furniture. I force myself to do these things because I want Kaitlyn to have what she deserves. I’m by no means a strong woman when it comes to this. I just feel I owe it to her and something from somewhere wills me to do it. When I’ve done all I think I can do, I don’t know what will happen to me when I see she has been honored properly. I’m glad you will be able to finally get the stone. It just takes some people longer than others to be able to do it. I meant my baby was going to have the best and by gosh I was going to be around to do it.

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  9. Diane N. says:

    Oh my gosh…your story seems so close to ours…our 26y/o daughter died while in medical school, almost 6yrs. ago, but, unlike you, we have not been able to design a stone for her grave yet…we placed a small cement bench there, with a little saying, but my head wants to get the stone to honor her, but my heart doesn’t want to see it…I fear it will all happen all over again, from the beginning, the fear, the terror, the unthinkable sorrow and anguish. It still comes in waves sometimes, but if I see her name in granite, on that stone, I think it might be unstoppable.

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  10. gatito2 says:

    Oh Diane, your daughter died in medical school too?? You are the first person that has come to me and told me there child died while in med school. Was it an accident or suicide like my girl? If you don’t want to tell me in public, please email me at welding81@intrstar.net (note the weird spelling of intrnet). I was scared I would fall to pieces when the stone was placed. I had not thought that it would be a horrible experience until someone told me it would be. But amazingly, I didn’t even cry. I was very moved, I was sad, but I was so glad for her to have more than that little plaque on a stick on her grave that she did have, I was glad to have something that did her justice. I was proud of it and I think she would approve. I said to her at the grave (where I know she isn’t) “Kaitlyn, you always did your best, had the best you could have in life, and by gosh, you have one of the best stones.” Seeing it on that stone didn’t make it any more real than seeing it on that tiny plaque. So please don’t fear it. Honor your child with a stone….IF you think you can. If you don’t feel you can, then that’s alright too. You do what you need to do or not do. I am so sorry. I want to hear more from you.

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