I’m doing well?

I went to see my psychiatrist for my regular appointment today. She says I’m doing extremely well. I had not seen this particular one since my daughter died (they switch up sometimes I guess) and I had to tell her the whole story about how my brilliant daughter took her own life. Of course she was very sorry, refilled my medicines, and talked to me a little. And she proceeds to tell me, just as my grief counselor always does that I’m doing very, very well under the circumstances. I sit there, with my legs crossed, with my chin resting on my hand and I ponder at this each and every time. I guess the fact that I’m not dead, that I got up out of bed today and put clothes on, that I’ve not become some type of addict to dull this agonizing pain that I’m doing well. Well by gosh then, I’m doing well. They say so. Hmmm……

They do the best they can do. They just can’t mend broken hearts.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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7 Responses to I’m doing well?

  1. I am sorry for your loss. I read your posts nearly every day and wish I could do something more than just send you a hug and tell you, you are doing well. I know it sounds lame but at least you are making an effort while some people can’t even get out of bed and face the day. I am glad you found a fellow survivor to help you through this. And I hope maybe there is a survivor group in your area. check out the AAS website, http://www.suicidology.org for more information. You are not alone, though you may feel that way.

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  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much. Hugs and nice comments help more than you know. It’s just that I look at these professionals in disbelief when they tell me I’m doing well. I tell them I’m not just because I got out of bed. Yes, I got out of bed but I’m dying inside. They don’t know.

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  3. my motto, takes one to know one. Most professionals have no clue what true grief is beyond the textbook explanation. You will get through this in time.

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  4. dmeinegraham says:

    My son was 19 when he took his life one year ago this week. It aches beyond words. I have a close community of friends that love and pray me thru this. I started counseling in January and I’m still going. My counselors husband died suddenly and tragically 10 years ago. It was important for me to see someone who shared my Christian beliefs & had experienced profound loss. I am very blessed to have found her.
    Even with the right medication to help with sleeping and depression, a good counselor, good friends and supportive husband (he’s stepdad, not dad to my son), this loss is still so very painful. And the grief is very lonely. You are not alone in living this ache. Even though your grief is unique – and maybe lonely like mine is – you are not alone. I’m adding your name to my prayer card for grieving moms. Keep breathing.

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  5. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much and I appreciate any prayers I can get. I know I’m not alone on this journey, but I do feel so alone. I am so very sorry for your loss as well.

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