Please don’t send me messages like this

I also have a facebook page that I’ve had for years. I started this blog when Kaitlyn took her life (I actually started it the month after) and it is dedicated solely to help me through my grieving process, remembering her, and trying to recover as best I can. Most of the time if I post on my blog here, I will link up the post to my Facebook page and also to my daughter Kaitlyn’s Facebook page since it is still up. Most of my traffic comes from my FB page and I want people to see my posts because I want to talk about my daughter, bask in her beautiful memories, I want people to know my hurt, know how suicide kills the people left behind as well. If I didn’t want people to see it, I would just type on my Microsoft Word and leave it there. But I have a need to be heard, I want the real life pain of suicide to be known.

If you knew me personally, I’m about as far from an attention seeker as anyone you would ever meet. I am quite an introvert, and have always kept my personal problems and feelings to myself. But when Kaitlyn died, I felt an overwhelming need to put my thoughts and feelings out there and they pour out of me like the waters coming down Niagara Falls. I NEED to do this. It’s my outlet. I know sometimes it’s a bit morbid, but believe it or not, I keep my most morbid thoughts out of my FB postings and my blog postings. Heaven forbid anyone know everything I think sometimes and I keep Kaitlyn’s suicide method to myself so people contemplating suicide will not think about doing it this way that I knew nothing about before.

I’m a sensitive person in normal times. I’m ridiculously sensitive now since the bright sunshine of my whole world has left this Earth and I no longer have the joy of having her in my life. I admit, I can’t stand criticism right now. I don’t mind suggestions, I don’t mind anyone talking about God (I am a Christian though my faith has been shaken, it’s still there), I don’t mind anyone’s thoughts of where she might have gone wrong if it’s done tastefully. As a matter of fact, no one has commented on my blog that has ever insulted me, except for one person who responded to a blog I posted on another’s blog who thought he was a psychiatrist and proceeded to tell me he knew why Kaitlyn did everything she did in her life and why and he was a total butt. He now knows how I feel. Otherwise, I have received nothing but wonderful support here. Even professionals that post to me give me wonderful insights and are kind and compassionate. I appreciate it all.

However, as I said, I’m really supersensitive right now. I believe in God, though my faith has been shaken, it’s still there.

As my last blog posted below, I love to talk about Kaitlyn’s things she left behind and how important they are to me. They’re a way I keep connected to her and darn it, that’s how I’m grieving right now. I could be drowning in alcohol or drugs, but I don’t do that. I could be doing any number of self-destructive things to drown my sorrow, but I don’t. I could easily be in the mental hospital, but I’m not. I write. I use a lot of inanimate objects to portray my very animated inner feelings. I use simile and metaphors to portray my feelings sometimes. That’s one reason I use things in my posts. They provoke my feelings. I’m sensitive to them.

So in saying all that, I want to share what a woman on my Facebook friend list sent to me this morning. It hurt my feelings especially on a day I was feeling extra sad. Please don’t preach to me and tell me I need to pray more and that my postings are not helping me or anyone else and you are un-friending me. Simply click the unfriend button if you don’t like it or with this blog, pass me over when you see Gatito’s name (which is really my cat’s name, I’m Rhonda) on the posting. You don’t need to tell me that what I’m doing is not right or I need to read more scripture.

For ALL the people here that comment to me and all have said nice helpful things, thank you. This angry post is not directed at you. It’s directed to the self-righteous person that wrote these words on a private message to me on facebook. I will no longer post links from my blog to facebook. Here is her message to me:

“I sent you a friends’ request back when you first started posting. I believe it’s important that we support one another in any way possible, considering we both have lost an adult child. While we both have this in common, we are very different people. When I see you post your daughters’ belongings, it really depresses me. There’s nothing I can say to you to ease the pain or help your depression. That’s something that you will need to go through and only time will heal. On the other hand, I, personally am working on my own mental health in regards to my daughters’ death, and the fact that she left her 5 year old son behind.
I’m a born again believer in Jesus Christ. According to the flesh, my daughter wasn’t suppose to die before me. But, according to God’s word, are days are numbered. He knows each and every one of us when we were woven in our mothers’ wombs. He knows the day, hour and minute when we will die.
I know that Kaitlyn just left this earth back in April. I’m sure it’s still fresh for you and in very many ways, you’re still in disbelief. I’m so very sorry that you’re still being tormented by this whole tragedy.
.
If you would please read Romans 8….over and over and over again, maybe the Holy Spirit will start to intercede for you, and show you how to grieve and heal. I know you once said that you were a Christian, but now your faith has been shaken, so I know that there’s a part of you that is screaming out for God to take this pain away from you. Do yourself, your family and friends….and especially God a favor…..look to Him! Make yourself vulnerable to Him so He can help you help yourself.
Posting pictures of Kaitlyn
her purse, wallet, etc is doing nobody any good….least of all, you.
For this reason, I’m removing myself from your friends’ list.
God Bless you, and I will remember to pray for you.”

.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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17 Responses to Please don’t send me messages like this

  1. {{hugs}} there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. just do what you need to. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Topaz says:

    Rhonda,

    I agree with what Samantha said. Just keep on doing what you’re doing.

    Love,
    Topaz

    Like

  3. JCox says:

    I have read most of your blogs from the beginning. You may not feel it, and may not for a long time, but you are healing. Thoughts and feelings you express now are searching tor their sunrise. Light will come again when you can bear it.

    Like

  4. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I like to think that my blog is helping me heal in ways that nothing else can.

    Like

  5. jacalyn1984 says:

    Keep blogging, Please. Your posts resonate so deeply with me, I have been comforted by knowing I am not alone, crazy or as lost as I sometimes feel. I have been healing by not only blogging my own pain but by sharing in yours, however small. Keep blogging. Please.

    Like

  6. I’m so sorry that anyone would write something like that, especially someone who has walked a similar path of child loss. It’s just not necessary. It’s hurtful. It accomplishes nothing.

    Like

  7. katriter says:

    No one should tell another person how to grieve. You are doing your best each day. That is all you can do. I believe your blog is helping you and also helping many others. You are not alone. I also feel you are healing. Those who need to hear your words will listen. Others need to just “turn the channel” let we who care keep tuned in. Do what you need. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. Sending cyber hugs to you.

    Like

  8. This person sounds like my stalker who was hounding me. I finally got rid of her after I deleted her comments and started moderating them. You don’t need this aggravation. You are grieving and that in itself is hard to do. Hugs

    Like

  9. gatito2 says:

    Hopefully I will never hear from her again and if I do, I will report her to facebook.

    Like

  10. gatito2 says:

    She wanted to make sure that I knew that she knew the secret to getting over her loss and that I was not doing it right. How can someone say that that has also lost a child? People that grieve know everyone has their own way. That’s what I just can’t understand.

    Like

  11. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much. I hope I help people in some way while helping myself.

    Like

  12. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I really don’t need to listen to people like that.

    Like

  13. Rhonda, I totally understand the pocketbook thing. There are times when I desperately want to hold the things that my son used frequently. We all need to go on this grieving journey in our own way, and that may be very different from others. There is no rule book for us! Take care.

    Like

  14. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. For the most part, mother’s do understand such things, but that one mother thought it macabre for some reason. To each his own I guess and she decided to unfriend me on FB because of it.

    Like

  15. Uncle Spike says:

    What a plonker…. as if you need instructing on how to grieve! Some people….

    Like

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