Last night Allyn and I went to our grief counselor session. On the drive there, it was still daylight and I was struck by the realization that the world was no longer a pretty place to me anymore. I’m a lover of scenery and always look out the window and think about the places I see. They hold no charm with me anymore Kaitlyn. The light and beauty has gone out of the world for me without you anywhere in it.
Before we got to our session, we stopped at McDonald’s and ate because we were in a rush to get there so it wouldn’t be so late getting home. As I sat there and ate my Big Mac Meal (something you would never eat anymore, and something I once seldom ate before you died), I looked at the French fries before me. I remember when you were a young teenager; you may have been a little younger. Once we were sitting in a McDonalds and as we sat eating the French fries you said there was a secret about the French fries that only she and her sister and cousins knew. The French fries with the slightly burned ends were the best and you were lucky if you got some of them. Those were the special ones.
From then on if we ever ate French fries, she would grab one with a burned end and look a sneaky, knowing look at me and eat it. I would do the same and we acted like it was this huge secret that no one else must ever know. No one other that the two of us would have understood the humor and silliness of things we did like this sometimes. But we got it, we got each other.
So, last night when I ate those French fries Kaitlyn, I grabbed the ones with the burned ends first and I thought of you. I always do when I eat fries ever since the day you first told me this, and I always will until the day I die.
You had a humor to you that was so subtle but so funny. We had inside jokes galore. If someone didn’t ever get to know you, they missed out on someone special. I am so thankful we had all these special experiences that would make no sense to anyone but us.
So, I ate those special burned end fries Kaitlyn. I always will and think of you. I so long to see you at the other end of the table eating them with me, but that will never be again.