I don’t know where you are

Where are you? I’m a Christian but that still does not let me know where you are. Even though I’m Christian, I don’t have traditional beliefs. What is heaven? Is it somewhere in our universe, in our galaxy, beyond ALL the galaxies where we don’t even know what is there? Is it another dimension? Is it where you are very near to us here but yet on a different plane of existence? What is heaven like? Can you still pursue the things you were so good at here on this earth or does everyone have the same gifts? What is your form? Do you still have your earthly form or do you just glide around as a spirit? Do you have some other form? Is it glorious and free of all the evil we have here on this earth? Are you free of the pain that made you leave this earth? If not, I don’t see the point in leaving; surely you are free of it. Are you in heaven yet, or do you still lie asleep until Jesus comes back again? Every religion has a different belief about this. Which one is right? Who is to say any is wrong or right? In your teenaged years you researched every major religion known to man in search of answers. I don’t think you found your answers. I surely don’t know either. Is there reincarnation? Are you biding your time in some way waiting for the new body you will be born into? What if you are born into the suffering that you left? Have you already been reincarnated and if so, will you still have your same gifts and intelligence? Does reincarnation even exist?

Where are you? Can you make your spirit into the form of a dragonfly or a butterfly that flies by my head just to let me know you still exist? Or is that not possible and I’m trying to comfort myself by thinking this could be true? Can you visit me in my dreams like I felt you did that one time? Or was it my heart that so needed to make that dream really be you instead of simply a dream? Are you there in your old little room at our house where so many of your things are and in the scent that permeates this room? Are you in the wind that blows by my body as I stand outside and think about how my flowers were blooming and how beautiful they were, and standing there remembering that you died during the bloom? Are you standing there at the corner of the woods across the field from my house standing there looking at me from the distance; I can almost see your blonde hair and form. Are you there? Are you in the blades of grass that remain green in my yard as I pluck them out as I sit there and pull them as hard as I can and fling them from my sight as hard as I can due to the pain I feel? Are you in the picture that hangs in my room of me and you as I run my fingers over your image? Are you in bits and pieces everywhere or is that possible? Are you one being in a place I can never know until I die? Is there a little bit of you in all of your things that I have? Do you try to visit me at night in my sleep, but cannot penetrate my so troubled mind and soul so you can visit me? Do you know how utterly lost and hurt I am without you?

Where are you? There’s no comfort I can take by what anyone says about what the bible says heaven is. Which religion would you go by? No one knows really what heaven is, where it is, and what exactly happens to our spirit once we die. The greatest wars on this earth were in the name of some religion or another. Religions forced upon people in the past. I won’t go into what I feel about that.

Are you in a place where you remember me, your family, and all that loved you, or does that memory simply vanish the minute your soul leaves your body? Do you remember me and all that we had as a mother and daughter? Do you know of the torture I go through in your just being here and all of a sudden you are gone?

But where are you Kaitlyn? That’s what I need to know. All mothers need to know where their children are, but I don’t know where you are. I don’t KNOW where you are.

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/789548/stars-vh1-storytellers.jhtml#id=1686916