Kaitlyn, I just can’t believe you are gone. I just can’t believe you are gone. Words fail me now, my soul is in agony. I can’t believe you are gone……….

Sometimes my torment is so great, I cannot find the words.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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16 Responses to Disbelief

  1. cindy knoke says:

    There must of been something about her, that destined her to leave our “valley of Tears,” and move on to something bigger? I see what you see in her. A radiant, unique, daughter, and person.
    Please keep writing. We need this. Thank you for your courage.


  2. gatito2 says:

    I hurt so very much because she is gone. Thank you.


  3. Yes. It hurts so much. Xx


  4. If the heartache that I continue to feel for you could remove even a small part of your suffering, I know that you would be feeling a large measure of relief by now.


  5. gatito2 says:

    Thank you Randall. It helps to know you are supporting me even though you have lost your own son. I admire your strength.


  6. Thank you for making me know this song. And it’s also a beautiful tribute to your daughter.


  7. gatito2 says:

    Thank you for watching.


  8. Justine-Paula Robilliard says:

    I messed up so badly, there is no one that will care enough to do something like that for me. That is the power of depression, it make you say and do stupid things. Had my parents taken the time to really listen to me, I might not have ended up contemplating suicide.


  9. gatito2 says:

    I’m so sorry.


  10. Justine-Paula Robilliard says:

    Every day I hope it is my last, I have reached the point where suicide is really a viable acceptable option. My life is never going to improve. My “condition” is just out of control. I do not see any value in anything I say or anything I do. People hate me, I am useless, stupid and of no value.

    I wasted my life, destroyed any chance I had of being successful. All I do is upset people. I do not see any point in trying anymore. I fully appreciate that there is nothing anyone can do, this is my cross to bear, I made decisions and have to live the result of my actions and decisions. I regret 10 000 times a day the decision to transition genders, given the toll it has placed on my family. It was in the end just not worth what it has come to cost.

    I am ashamed of who and what I am, I am ashamed and embarrassed of my failures and my inability to think my way out of this situation, The pain from depression no one understands, and everyone thinks I should be able to get myself out of this situation, All I am doing is throwing more and more money away trying to figure out the solution, living with the realization that there is no viable solution that I can figure out.

    I am just not intelligent enough to see past the “wood for trees” situation. Maybe someone can see the difference, I am blind to it, all I see is a black hole getting deeper by the hour I live.

    MY death is not a bad thing, it is actually going to help my family, they have already written me off as stupid and of no value. I am such a disappointment and a failure.


  11. gatito2 says:

    Being who you are is not wrong. I wish you could see a professional to help you, and move somewhere no one knows you and start all fresh. Please don’t hurt yourself. I care.


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