Kaitlyn, it is 10-11-13 which makes six months since the day you took your life 4-11-13. How I managed not to die from heartbreak the moment I learned of your death is a mystery to me. What is even more mysterious is how I’ve made it this far with a heart that is broken and bleeding. I never, ever in my life dreamed I would lose you Kaitlyn, much less losing you how it happened. I honestly, with all my heart, thought you were one of the happiest people in the world. You told me you were happy, you acted like you were happy and everything seemed to be going so right in your life as it always has done. But I couldn’t see what you hid Kaitlyn and if I missed a sign that was obvious, please forgive me.
This is the worst pain I have ever endured in my life. I miss you so much and I still think of you every second of every day, no matter what it is I am doing. Surely you know how very much you meant to me, I told you all the time and I showed it because I loved you and still do with all my heart and soul. But I miss you Kaitlyn. And no matter what I have learned since you died, I still don’t understand why you didn’t seek professional help. With all your intelligence, I know you knew that there could be help for you. I know there could be many reasons, but I don’t really know which ones they were that made you silent about it for all these years. But who am I to judge, you must have felt your reasons justified. But justified or not the end result is losing someone I loved more than life itself and life without you is all greyness. I still cry every day, several times a day. But I hope you don’t know it. I hope you are happy with a soul that no longer endures the intense suffering you had to have suffered to make you take your wonderful self away from us. The world lost so much 4-11-13.
I found a song the other day that I had never heard before and I was very moved by it, so of course, I made another video slide. I made it to mark the 6 months of you being gone. It may be a sad thing for people to see me doing this, but the writing and the videos are what I do to help process this horrible grief. It does not completely work, but takes the edge off while I am creating it and when I am writing for as long as I’m doing it. Once a project is done, my sorrow is back 110 percent. Once I run out of things to do to I don’t know what will happen, but for now, here is my tribute to you Kaitlyn. I love you. I’ll see you again my wonderful beautiful daughter.