The Sign of the Morning Glory

This morning I emailed my friend Jan Andersen who wrote the book “Chasing Death: Losing A Child To Suicide. http://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Death-Losing-Suicide-ebook/dp/B007CVYQMS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382393287&sr=8-1&keywords=chasing+death+losing+a+child+to+suicide. When Kaitlyn took her life 4-11-13 after a while I looked for books that would help me learn to cope. The one that helped me by far was this book because it had all the feelings I experience after I lost Kaitlyn. I could relate so much to what was in there. So I emailed her after I read the book and we became friends though she lives far away in the UK. Her son took his life in 2002.

I was telling her this morning that I wish I could see more signs from Kaitlyn. I feel so lost and lonely without her. I miss her so much and I am still so very much in despair. She believes in signs from our loved ones and if we just pay attention, we will see them. So I wanted to talk with her about it. I told her that this summer I saw so many dragonflies in so many forms (Kaitlyn knew I loved dragonflies and bought me a dragonfly teapot once not long ago). When I see one, I take it as a sign from Kaitlyn. There have been other things that I take as signs from Kaitlyn as well.

I was outside playing with my Labrador Retriever Savannah this afternoon and after we were finished and I fed her, I noticed something in the bushes near our house. Heavy woods are behind and to the side of our property and this was the outer edge of the woods where so many bushes and briars are. Something in there was colorful. I walked closer and it was purple. It was a single, purple flower. I looked around in the surrounding bushes and briars within several yards of that area and glanced into the woods, there were no other flowers at all. Nothing but briars and bush. I’ve never seen this type of flower in my yard or in the bushes. Sometimes I see some colorful weed type things, but this is not what this was. And it was alone. It was beautiful. I didn’t know what kind of flower it was but it reminded me so much of a flower I had seen before. Something to do with Kaitlyn, but what? Then I remembered! I went in and got my camera and took a couple of pictures of it. I looked it up online and it was a Morning Glory!!

To let you know how significant this is, I want you to read a poem Kaitlyn wrote in undergrad that I never read or knew of its existence until she died and it was because I happened to see it on her college’s webpage of poetry. I’ve put it in my blog a few times, but let me put it here again, and after I will show you the picture of the Morning Glory that is in the edge of my yard. Purple was Kaitlyn’s favorite color.

Thank you Kaitlyn. You have not forgotten about your Momma. I love you!

Falling Into Being

You, you with the clovers in your hair, your braided sun beams.

Flowers and winged things. How you’ll never know the species of them, but you know them by their colors–their tiny reflected sunlights. You call them cousins by their hues:

this one is robin red, this one is lily white. You touch them with your bluebird eyes.

What is the final truth, then? Is it that they live, that there’s beauty in existing as you are?

Before the sun had risen, you cupped your hands around your mouth and whispered to the spiraled bud of a morning glory: why will you bloom?

No answer until the morning, and then it unfurled its petals; its greeting to the day, to a lifetime.

You sat and watched this little being bloom with the magnificence of purpose. It was beautiful in its silence, in its pride.

You gave it the honor of breathing softly, of acknowledging its vulnerability. You knew it was weaker, less protected as a softly petaled bloom than as a bud.

You saluted its courage.

And when it died in the dusk of fading lights and fading colors, you stood in reverence as you do at the funeral of a man who lived well. Shed a tear but smiled in acceptance of a gift you never intended to receive.

And by morning, you had discerned the colors of yourself. You had fallen into being.

By Kaitlyn Elkins

Morning Glory

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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5 Responses to The Sign of the Morning Glory

  1. luciddream85 says:

    Wow. That poem was amazing. Though I might sound kind of “duh” but I took that poem to have a double meaning of not only her talking about this wondrous flower, but of her talking about a person. When I read the line……

    “And when it died in the dusk of fading lights and fading colors, you stood in reverence as you do at the funeral of a man who lived well. Shed a tear but smiled in acceptance of a gift you never intended to receive.”

    ….. I thought of you, standing at her grave, sad and hurt, but smiling at the gift of her life. What a beautiful person she was.

    I actually put a picture on my last entry of three of these beautiful flowers that I found this weekend. They are something special.

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  2. gatito2 says:

    Exactly. The morning glory is a metaphor of a person and I think that person was her. She was probably 19 when she wrote it and to me it seemed like she was talking of her life not being long but had the “magnificence of purpose.” I feel though she lived a short life, it was full and full of purpose and life. I think she was talking about herself. This is my favorite poem of hers, though it represents to me her leaving. It’s still beautiful.

    Thank you so much for your very thoughtful comments about her poem. Not everyone understands the metaphors of some poems and I get really happy when someone understands this poem. (not saying I’m all that good at knowing the meaning of all poems either but I get this one).

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  3. gatito2 says:

    And what you said about me standing at her grave sad and hurt but smiling at the gift of her life is true as well. Wonderful understanding.

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  4. Jan Andersen says:

    Awwww, thank you Rhonda. Our loved ones send us signs all the time, but sometimes they are so subtle that we don’t notice them, or don’t recognise them as such. The more you acknowledge the signs that Kaitlyn is sending you, the more you will notice them. You don’t have to be a medium to communicate with the spirit world; anyone can do it. The messages come in those spaces between our conscious thoughts. They don’t jump in front of us and say “Boo!” because they wouldn’t wish to frighten us! I am certain that Kaitlyn is urging you to write your book. Sending you love and hugs, Jan xxxx

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  5. gatito2 says:

    Thank you Jan. I couldn’t wait to tell you about my sign I was so excited. I know in the tortured mind of a grieving mother, one looks so hard for signs and perhaps they see things and take them for signs when they’re not. But I believe in them and keep myself open to them. Maybe you’re right about my book.

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