No matter how much I know and how much I learn, for the life of me there are so many things I don’t understand. My wonderful daughter Kaitlyn who had the iron will of a super hero, the determination and drive that I’ve never seen before, had the strength to do all kinds of feats academically and otherwise; the strength and the self-discipline to go through all that she did to get into medical school, study like crazy to do well on exams and to do well in her medical boards, to run several miles every other day, to run a half marathon after only months of starting to run, and then run a marathon of 26 miles one month after that, go to the gym at 5:30 in the mornings several times a week before school, and eat healthy continuously, was unable to muster up enough strength to get on that phone before she took her life and TELL someone that she wanted to die, that she was on the edge, to give her wonderful life a chance to go on with professional help. I don’t understand it. I just don’t. I think she felt she had too much to lose by admitting what she hid all her life. And so she lost it all.
For as long as I live I will never understand the tragedy of this or ever rid myself of the weight of the sadness I feel from her loss. I don’t understand……..anything anymore.