Her Sweet Little Foot

This photo may seem strange to you and why I would even post it may seem unclear. I’m sure someone clicked their camera when someone was holding the camera not intending to take a picture. It appears to be at Christmas. But I found this somewhere and can’t remember whose camera it came off of. But I didn’t delete it after I discovered it because I discovered it after Kaitlyn died. You might think it shouldn’t mean much to me, but it means EVERYTHING to me because that is my baby’s foot. A foot I looked at with those or some other flip flops on many times; a foot that was barefoot around the house. The flip flops I gave away or threw away after she died because they were so worn, I wish I still had because they had her toe imprints on them. Oh how I wish I had them back.

Sometimes when Kaitlyn would be sitting in front of me in the recliner at home I would say, “Fan out your toes.” And she would fan out her toes and I thought it so cute it made me squeal. She said, “Momma, you just think that’s cute because cats fan out their toes like that.” She may be right, because they do. But I always loved when she fanned her toes out.

I loved her from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. To only be able to see those toes fan out once more.

Just another memory. A sweet one for me.


About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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6 Responses to Her Sweet Little Foot

  1. Nothing is ever strange about the way a mother loves and grieves the loss of her beloved child. I hope that the holiday time approaching isn’t too terribly hard on you. Love, Paulette


  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you, but I’m dreading the holidays.


  3. jmgoyder says:

    So glad you have kept this photo.


  4. gatito2 says:

    Me too! I just wish I kept the flip flops themselves also…. Note to anyone: Never give the things of a loved one away that has died for several months after you’ve given it much thought. I only feel this way about her clothes. I wish I had them all back except for her running clothes. I gave them to one of her friends that cherishes them.


  5. lensgirl53 says:

    We DO this. I am the very same way by photos that seemed dark or blurred even, but if my son is in it…now, it is as if I would be doing him harm by just dismissing it as a bad picture. I have salvaged everything and have tried to go through mountains of negatives that I have saved forever, trying to find those that I think have images of Brandon in them. I do know about those “little foot” photos. I have a pair of Brandon’s “new” flip-flops that I keep in a drawer by my bed. I get them out sometimes and just hold them to my face where there is barely an indention of his feet. Yes! We grieving mothers do just exactly the same things! I am learning through your blog that I am grieving normally.


  6. gatito2 says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I cherish everything that had anything to do with her. I think we mothers do that. That’s all we have other than pictures and memories.


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