My Baby Killed Herself

My baby killed herself. My baby killed her beautiful self. When it’s all said and done, how does one deal with that?

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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23 Responses to My Baby Killed Herself

  1. What a beauty. What a heartbreak. So sorry.

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  2. Denise says:

    One breath at a time. Just one.

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  3. I wish there were some magic words that could take all of the pain away that you feel each and every day. Unfortunately this has to run it’s course. Just as Denise said before me, one breath at a time. As difficult as it is, try to see the good in everything that you encounter on a daily basis.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  4. jmgoyder says:

    I wish I knew.

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  5. edgarone2 says:

    I pray that God gives you strength. I pray that God gives you hope and trust in his mercy and love.

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  6. kpatkins says:

    We don’t deal well on most days. I tend to hold my breath. My heart wishes to tell you that one day breathing will be easier but I don’t know yet when that happens

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  7. The loss of a child is the greatest grief a parent will ever face. Time doesn’t help, unfortunately. We all grieve differently and I don’t have magic words.

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  8. Lost says:

    I don’t know if it helps, but perhaps she didn’t really kill herself; she died of a very serious disease. The phrase “died of suicide” seems better than “committed suicide” because most people who die that way are simply at the end stage of their illness. There should be no shame in it than any other disease but society
    has a long way to go.

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  9. catecumen says:

    Well said, “Lost.” One dies by suicide as a result of a biochemical/mental/emotional illness. We can’t completely eliminate the element of choice (if we did, then trying to prevent other suicides would be futile) but it is no one’s “fault.” Sometimes what stops us from seeking treatment is the illness itself: depression can make the person feel as though there is no point in seeking help because the situation feels so utterly hopeless. So the disease itself blocks the treatment needed to relieve it.

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  10. gatito2 says:

    It’s really hard.

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  11. gatito2 says:

    Well see it’s like this. Everything looks a bit dead so it’s hard to see anything good in it. I do try. I know it doesn’t seem like it by what I write, but I do. Thank you for your comments.

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  12. gatito2 says:

    Thank yoiu for your honesty. I keep hearing it gets better but…..

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  13. gatito2 says:

    I know. Thank you. I really knew I’d have no answer for this question as there is not one. It was just a cry out. A horrible cry out of pain.

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  14. gatito2 says:

    I know those words are true. Does not help the pain whatsoever though. Thank you for your kindness though.

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  15. gatito2 says:

    That is a terrible, terrible truth. I know my daughter had an illness that killed her and I know she didn’t mean to hurt us. This disease is so horrible.

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  16. I wish I could say that I understand totally. I do to some degree how ever never having been in your situation. I know you try and I have seen the upswings in your blogs and the down swings. As long as you keep trying and don’t let it drag you down to far you are going to pull through this. It is not going to happen over night and I understand that.
    I am on your side. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  17. lensgirl53 says:

    We are dealing with it. There is really no way out of our pain except to endure. Know that the above comments from Lost and Catecumen are true. You are still in the very raw newness of your loss and the wound is gaping but with each day the intensity will not overwhelm you as it does now and the wound will grow together and heal into a scar. I do wish I could say that there is no more pain but I would be lying….our children can never be forgotten nor the love we have for them. It is the pain from that love that stays with us, my friend. I pray God will give you signs and messages of peace to sustain you. Blessings, my sister in sorrow.

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  18. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much. Those are very wise words.

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  19. Some days jst breathing & putting one foot in front of the other is all we an manage. My son dies 3 months ago yesterday and some days I feel just frozen as though life just can’t possibly go on. I know it will as we have two other children & a delightful grandson, but, oh, it is so very hard!

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  20. gatito2 says:

    It is so very hard. And I’m so sorry about the loss of your son!

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