My Christmas Tree is Finished

I had posted earlier about having a tree this year after all. I had not wanted to do anything for Christmas and just hide and hope it goes away soon. But then I remembered how very much Kaitlyn loved Christmas and how much she loved a real tree. When she was growing up she did not want a fake tree, only real ones. Once she went away to college we started putting up artificial ones. Well I decided to buy a real tree and decorate it with things that remind me of the many things in Kaitlyn’s life, throughout her life from childhood to adulthood. For instance I have ornaments like this: A miniature book, chess set with 2 pieces (all ornaments are small), sushi, crochet needles, Many angels which are a 12 pack of crystal angels and a 12 pack of tin angels, African animals, French fries (inside joke we had), a monkey (another inside joke we had) many cats, squirrels (she named a squirrel Harry when she was little, they have all been Harry ever since), many dragonflies, Harry Potter, an armament of a galaxy, Christmas frames with pictures of her and our family in them, a snowman, Mickey Mouse, SpongeBob Squarepants, Barney, a wine glass, the leg lamp in the movie A Christmas Story, 2 stars, and this is just all I can think of now.

This has been very therapeutic for me and has helped me honor Kaitlyn’s wonderful memory of her life instead of sticking my head in the sand until Christmas goes away.

Here are 3 pics of my tree. It does not show the ornaments well from this distance, but I would bombard ya’ll if I put individual pics of my ornaments on here. Also, it does not look like the tree is full of ornaments but it is. You just can’t see some of them well from the distance. I put no lights on the tree fearing my cats would eat through them. Surprisingly they have not climbed up in the tree or messed very much with the ornaments. I’m shocked.

This has helped me, but I am still so very sad and cry everyday, most of the time several times. But this has helped.

tree1
tree2
tree3

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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14 Responses to My Christmas Tree is Finished

  1. Beautiful tree, and a moving tribute. I think of Christmas trees and the variety of ornaments on them as reminders of all of the gifts from Christ and that He preserves and saves everything good, most of all our relationships with our families and with each other. Very fitting tribute you have made, seems to me.

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  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I felt moved to do it.

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  3. It looks beautiful…so proud of you!

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  4. I still have a hard time decorating a tree and it will be three years in Feb. I made an extra effort this year …started the tree decorating a week before Thanksgiving…finished today it was rough when I open a box and found my daughters ornaments of butterflies and silks, her woodland ornaments and the ceramic deer she so loved. Ok sorry, your tree is beautiful and you have taken one gigantic step in healing. Hugs.

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  5. gatito2 says:

    I know it is hard. I also put some ornaments up that she had made as a child. It is so bitter/sweet, but I cherish them. Some people do find it very painful to do this type of thing, but for me, it helped. She wanted me to do it.

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  6. lensgirl53 says:

    Awesome. All of the ornaments look very nice. I so understand about the crying all day long. I will say that there will come a day when you notice that you did not cry for the entire day. The tears are like the tide…they ebb and flow. In a way, they are therapeutic for me. xo

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  7. I am so glad you find solace in doing what she would have wanted. God bless you and continue to give you comfort and strength 🙂

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  8. tersiaburger says:

    I did not want to put a tree up this year. Vic’s boys brought out the boxes and started putting up the tree. It looks lovely. The boys said “Mom loved Christmas!” – so be it. The tree is up, the lights are twinkling and Christmas is underway. Good luck to you and also Len and Rebecca.

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  9. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. Tears are therapeutic for me too. I just realized, only 2 things help me, writing and crying.

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  10. gatito2 says:

    I know. I didn’t want to even THINK about Christmas until the tree idea. But I did it because it was doing something in her memory. All the other decorations, still up in the attic. I do nothing else concerning Christmas. I don’t watch Christmas shows like I always did, no looking at lights at night, nothing else. I’m still not sure if I will go to mine and my husband’s parents for the meals. She was always home for Christmas. I don’t know if I can bear not seeing her there.

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  11. kpatkins says:

    The tree is beautiful Rhonda, The extra boxes of decorations can stay in attic, the Christmas shows can go unwatched and the twinkly lights can be enjoyed by others driving down streets in search the best and brightest. But give thought to having Christmas dinner with your family, They miss and are morning Kaitlyn also, it’s different then yours but you are their daughter and they worry about you and grieve not just for Kaitlyn but for the pain they see you in. They will crave to be with you, their daughter during a holiday that will be painful for your whole family, don’t isolate like I did because for many years to come it will be just as painful and right now you are struggling with thought of not going but the choice to isolate will become easier to make and you will regret the time lost with your family, I know this to be true, God Bless you and your family during this Christmas Season, this year will not be filled with joy and celebration but of memories of her to be shared between the people Kaitlyn loved the most

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  12. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much for your wonderful words of wisdom from your own experience. I hereby promise you, that unless I am in the floor prostrate with grief and crying and unable to move, I WILL go to those meals with my family. Thank you so much because I think if you had not written this to me, I would not have gone. Thank you.

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  13. kpatkins says:

    Your welcome Rhonda, My prayers will follow you through the painful days before you.

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