Kaitlyn, I made it through tonight’s Christmas supper at Nanny’s. I watched Stephanie as she pulled the musical Christmas bell that you always pulled and I stood and listened to its music. I sat in Nanny’s living room and saw you in my mind sitting across from me on the other couch like you always did. I looked at your tiny Christmas stocking that Nanny made for you when you were born. She made all her grandchildren a tiny stocking and they hang there every year with chewing gum and a dollar bill and things like that because they are so tiny nothing much will fit. It was always tradition. Yours still hangs there except yours only held a note and a candy cane.
I made it through ok, but I thought only of you. I feel you gave me the peace inside that I needed to get through this without you. No, I was not without you. You were and still are in my heart.
I left there just now and the night is clear and cold. I looked up at the brightly shining stars, found the brightest one and I thought of you.
I love you my sweet, wonderful girl. Nothing will ever be the same without you, but I got through this.
Below is a very small bit of video tape of your very first Christmas 23 years ago when you were 11 months old. I don’t expect anyone to watch all 8 minutes that I recorded, but this is to you sweetie. Thank you for the incredibly wonderful and glorious years you gave me with your illuminating presence. I will love you forever my bright shining star.