A Final Word on Christmas without Kaitlyn

Just a final word for today. I feared that this Christmas would be such an agonizing event that I may not have been able to leave my house. Not having Kaitlyn here for Christmas is so horrible and I saw her everywhere I went. But it was not as horrible as I thought it would be. I was sad and I missed her so very much but something was going on inside my soul that gave me some kind of peace or buffer or numbness or….I don’t know what it was. I could even laugh, and did, many times. I felt Kaitlyn was with us. I know she was with me today helping me to enjoy our family. But oh how I miss you Kaitlyn. Thank you for being with me so strongly that I made it. I think it was your love for Christmas that I embraced it so much this year….for you. I know what Christmas is about, the birth of Jesus, but I also know it was something you so enjoyed. I did it for you.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but by gosh I made it through Christmas.

I love you and I miss you my beautiful girl.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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13 Responses to A Final Word on Christmas without Kaitlyn

  1. jmgoyder says:

    You did it – bravo!

    Like

  2. JCox says:

    Comfort and Joy. Love and Light. Gifts from the Father through His children.

    Like

  3. gatito2 says:

    It’s a miracle. Thank you. But I know how I am. Sometimes I get through the worst things, then it catches up with me.

    Like

  4. jmgoyder says:

    I know and I will be thinking of you a lot tomorrow – I have to go with my mother down south (4 hour drive) to ‘do’ Christmas with my youngest brother’s family (3 of his kids were injured in the accident), so might be offline for a bit – sending love to you for tomorrow and every tomorrow! Jx

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  5. You are so strong. I hope t

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  6. Oops, it posted without me. Sorry! I just wanted to say that I hope you can have peace these last few days of 2013.

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  7. gatito2 says:

    🙂 Thank you.

    Like

  8. lensgirl53 says:

    God gives us the peace that passes all understanding….that is how we endure through His strength in us. I think we over think how the day is going to be and build it up so much in our minds that when that day does come…we are surprised that we are no more sadder on that day than any other day since their passing.

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  9. tersiaburger says:

    The boys were with their dad so that may be the reason why Christmas was so horrible. I cried and slept the whole day.

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  10. gatito2 says:

    I’m so sorry. I understand too.

    Like

  11. K says:

    Hello Love,

    You show so much strength and your words are so inspiring. I am thinking of you and I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. I hope 2014 brings you peace and happiness.

    Love,
    K

    Like

  12. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much. I hope 2014 will not be as horrible as 2013 was because of the most horrible thing I could imagine happened. But I know my life is forever divided into “before Kaitlyn died and after Kaitlyn died” and there will be no year that will ever be really good again. Life will go on, but it is an entirely different life and I don’t like it.

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