The Baking Pans

I was just washing dishes just now and the last items I washed were 2 baking cookie sheet pans. I use them for French fries, cookies, chicken wings and that sort of thing. Mine was battered, bent, scratched, had burnt on stains with the use of so many years. Then I came across the one I took from Kaitlyn’s apartment. So shiny and new, with only a scratch or two on it, it’s original color and coating intact. And I think about how much this represents our lives. I’ve had years to experience with good and bad things, I have scratches and scars and I’m bent and worn. But Kaitlyn’s, it is so new and has so many years left to experience. I know Kaitlyn used it because she loved to cook, but it had so many more years left to give only those years for her don’t exist anymore. Her future here does not exist. Her baking pan will never bear up the wonderful tasting creations that she would make just as her life here will never bear her wonderful presence and talents ever again, not here.

Amazing the metaphors my mind is forced to see in my minute to minute world.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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2 Responses to The Baking Pans

  1. It’s all wrong. Everything is upside down, backwards, and inside out. Nothing is as it should be and somehow we will have to learn to live with this.
    Hugs to you. I wish all of us could just return to the “simplicity” of our former lives. Even if there were complications, they were the ups and downs of LIFE. How I miss everything…my son, the old me, my WHOLE family together…..


  2. gatito2 says:

    You’re right. Everything is upside down, backwards, and inside out. that is exactly how I feel. I think it always will be. I miss all of the things you miss too and I so wish things could be like they were before, only If only I could know that something was wrong and I might could have helped her. But wishing does nothing good.


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