The Rain and the New Year

I love days like today; when it rains so much and so hard that it reflects how I feel inside and the tears I have shed since 4-12-13. Only I have shed more tears than this day ever will. So let it rain. It’s the sun that mocks me.

It’s almost 2014 and while I want to be rid of 2013 as it was the worst year of my life, I also hate to let it go. It was the last year I saw my Kaitlyn alive and with each year that goes by it will take me farther away from the last time I saw her. Now I only see her in my mind. No one can possibly understand the gift I was given 1-19-90 and the horrible pain of having that gift taken away from me 4-11-13 that have not lived through something like this. But all of you that have not experienced it have been nothing but kind to me and I don’t think I could have gotten by without all of your kindness that has sustained me through this nightmare of which I cannot wake up.

Words can never express how much I loved Kaitlyn…how much I love her still. There was never a person like her. Nor will there ever be again. I love all of my family and I love them for their gifts as well. But nothing can take the place of them if any of them are gone and it leaves a big hole.

I hope her last thoughts of her life before she slipped away is the knowledge of how much she was loved. It just was not enough to keep her.

I have days when I feel better and days I’m far from feeling better. It will just be that way…..always.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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6 Responses to The Rain and the New Year

  1. jmgoyder says:

    I am so glad I met you this year.


  2. gatito2 says:

    I am too. Not glad for the reason, but since it happend, I’m glad I met you.


  3. Scanning through your blog, I can feel your heartache. I am really sorry for your loss. But I admire you, that despite of your grief, you find ways to inspire your readers. Thank you for sharing. May you have a meaningful New Year.


  4. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much. I wish you a Happy New Year.


  5. sknicholls says:

    That date will never be forgotten, nor the love. So sorry for your loss.


  6. gatito2 says:

    No it won’t. Thank you.


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