I love days like today; when it rains so much and so hard that it reflects how I feel inside and the tears I have shed since 4-12-13. Only I have shed more tears than this day ever will. So let it rain. It’s the sun that mocks me.
It’s almost 2014 and while I want to be rid of 2013 as it was the worst year of my life, I also hate to let it go. It was the last year I saw my Kaitlyn alive and with each year that goes by it will take me farther away from the last time I saw her. Now I only see her in my mind. No one can possibly understand the gift I was given 1-19-90 and the horrible pain of having that gift taken away from me 4-11-13 that have not lived through something like this. But all of you that have not experienced it have been nothing but kind to me and I don’t think I could have gotten by without all of your kindness that has sustained me through this nightmare of which I cannot wake up.
Words can never express how much I loved Kaitlyn…how much I love her still. There was never a person like her. Nor will there ever be again. I love all of my family and I love them for their gifts as well. But nothing can take the place of them if any of them are gone and it leaves a big hole.
I hope her last thoughts of her life before she slipped away is the knowledge of how much she was loved. It just was not enough to keep her.
I have days when I feel better and days I’m far from feeling better. It will just be that way…..always.