The cool winds blow across your stone which move the leftover leaves and straw from the past fall across the dates carved into it. A tiny wet piece of leaf clings to the date of your death, 4-11-13 and on this very first day of 2014 that act screams out into the quiet of this field of stones that you have been left behind. 2013 is no more and 2014 starts with a dagger of pain into my soul that even as much as I have felt since your death, this pain towers over.
How can it be that 100 funerals, 100 Thanksgivings and Christmases could not compare to the pain that that tiny leaf on 2013 represents?
The winds of time blow across this field that represents broken hearts and broken dreams and makes me know that time will continue to march on…..without you. How dare it?
How unfair is it that such beauty can be taken away and force the world to continue on without it? How utterly incomprehensible it is to realize that so much can be given and so easily be taken away? How horrific it is to love someone so much and have them lost to you? How unspeakable the pain is that comes from realizing such beautiful things and beings simply do not last in this world and we are left with pain. How confusing it is that someone that had so much to give did not have a chance to continue on giving? How so wrong it is that the very gifts of deep thought and ability are the very things that sometimes make people unable to live here on this earth?
So this is 2014 and how it feels to be forced to move on without you. The world is turning, everyone continues on laughing and going about the business of living and this is what you wanted, but I can’t bear the thought of you being forgotten. I don’t begrudge anyone trying to learn how to live again, but it tears up my soul to know that you are not here moving on as well. I know your troubled mind wanted to leave, but I knew the real you and that you wanted to make a mark on this world that no one would ever forget with your talents. You did make a mark, an indelible mark on my soul and to all that knew you.
So the winds blow across your grave my daughter, the grass has taken over the fresh dirt and now lies dormant over it; the winds of time that take me farther away from you but closer to the time when I will see you again.
Below is a pic I stole from a friend of Kaitlyn’s that he put on his FB site this morning. I’m sure he won’t mind. It screams to me with all it represents.