Just When I Think I Will Die From A Broken Heart…..

Just when I think I’m on the verge of dying from a broken heart I write something or make a video slide. By the over 400 posts I’ve made on my blog and this being the 4th slide I’ve made, you know I’ve been near death from grief many times. When I heard this song again today, it made me want to make this one. This is the 4th. My pain intensifies with each day.

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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20 Responses to Just When I Think I Will Die From A Broken Heart…..

  1. joanne Bernier says:

    I am a long time or at least as long as I have been… reader.. I have been so touched and saddened by your journey.. I am so so sorry.. I live in San Diego. and if you want you can come stay here anytime you want.. I don’t know how to tell you how sad I feel for you.. my friend lost her daughter 1 last year and she is heart broken ( words seem so vacant ) also. best to you.. swtjolee@yahoo.com jo from San Diego

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  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much for your kindness. I live as far from San Diego than one can possibly live in the United States. I live all across the country to southeastern North Carolina near the coast. I visited Costa Mesa when I was 19 and stayed with my sister for a few weeks when she lived out there. I loved it then because I wanted to escape the country but then met my future husband and I never went back. She lived out there for 35 years and then came back home…her family and all. But I find your offer very personal. At the end of Kaitlyn’s life she commented many times that she wanted to move out of the south to maybe somewhere like San Fransisco or Seattle, Washington to escape the often narrow minded ways of our deep south. She never belonged here. Sometimes I fantasize of going to where she wanted to go, I dream of so many things concerning her. I want to see the city by the bay. Thank you so much…..I wish I could go very much at least to San Diego.

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  3. Denise Kemp Amick says:

    Rhonda, I deeply empathize with your pain over losing your precious child. It is a bottomless pain. I lost my son five years ago to a motorcycle accident that I am not sure was accidental. He suffered from anxiety attacks. Two years after Tommy’s death my youngest child, his sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She is not doing well. I feel as though I am in a constant state of holding my breath, waiting to lose another child. I don’t think I would survive it. My only words of comfort to you and my greatest solace has been prayer and breath. That’s it, just breathe.

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  4. Brenda says:

    Aw, she was beautiful. She gave her whole heart, didn’t she? Precious memories to treasure.

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  5. gatito2 says:

    Thank you so much Denise. I am so sorry about the death of your son. I’m also sorry about your daughter’s mental health problems. Getting her mental health help and being there for her is the only thing you can do….and pray. I didn’t have that opportunity because I knew nothing of what my daughter was going through. At least she can get help and you know about it. At least you have that. Thank you so much for your kindness and I wish your daughter well. And I wish you peace.

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  6. gatito2 says:

    Yes, she was absolutely amazing. And I’m not saying that just because she was my daughter. I always told her even if she was not and I had met her, I would have loved her anyway for the beautiful person she is.

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  7. joanne Bernier says:

    Dear sweet mom Rhonda, if you can get here.. my home is open… my apartment is 2 blocks from the beach.. and I would gladly leave for your vacation? or some kind of peace seeking.. I do not know how you and all the other sweet families.. survive.. I truly don’t. Not just missing and hurting and grieving.. but the not knowing the never answered questions.. I wish with all my heart I had something that would help.. but alas., that is not for us on earth to do.. Perhaps sometime I can introduce you to my sweet friend Kim.. who is suffering.. xo jo

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  8. Brenda says:

    Just from the videos, she seemed loved, and loving.

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  9. jmgoyder says:

    The thing that most strikes me about this videopost as that I, too, cannot believe that she is gone. Oh Rhonda – I wish I could find the words.

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  10. gatito2 says:

    I still can’t believe it either. There is no way I can tell you how many times the thought of her being going takes the breath from my body. I know she’s gone…..it’s just too hard to accept.

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  11. gatito2 says:

    She was that and oh so much more.

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  12. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. You are so very, very kind and I appreciate it so much.

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  13. Brenda says:

    Embrace her. Forgive her. We are all flawed, and we are all miracles.

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  14. gatito2 says:

    I’ve never felt a need to forgive her because her depression caused her to do this. She did not want to hurt us. I will love her forever.

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  15. Brenda says:

    That’s good, you are very loving and she was lucky to have you. Blessings, Brenda

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  16. As mothers, it is impossible to comprehend the total absence of our children. From the time of pregnancy we have interacted with the world as mothers of these children and without them we are lost. I, too, frequently experience the shock, as if being punched in the gut, of the fact that I will never see my son again. There is just so much unfinished business, so many things that I still need to say to him, so many things that I need to hear him say to me….

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  17. gatito2 says:

    You are so right.

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  18. Topaz says:

    Rhonda, I want to share something with you.

    A friend of mine referred me to a response by a well-known comic-book writer to a fan with suicidal ideation. It’s one of the most real, down-to-earth responses that I’ve seen on the Internet.

    I made an entire blog post based on it. Please take a look. It’s a bit long but well worth it. http://thepsychword.com/2014/01/09/keeping-it-real-a-comic-book-writers-response-to-a-fan-with-suicidal-ideation/

    Love and hugs,

    Topaz

    Like

  19. gatito2 says:

    Thank you for sharing that. That was wonderful that he took the time to answer him that way. I wish Kaitlyn had found that “speck of dust.”

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  20. Topaz says:

    Anytime. I think about you a lot.

    Like

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