You know, one might think that after recently experiencing the worst tragedy imaginable, the loss of your child by suicide and trying your best to survive that, that the loss of a beloved pet would be just like one single teardrop in a vast sea of teardrops; hardly nothing. You would think that you could not be sad because all of your sadness is focused on that one horrible event in your life. But this is not true. Not for me anyway, and not for my husband. It’s like this sadness at the loss of our dog Savannah is just more sadness on top of horrible sadness. It’s like a snowball going down a mountain and gets bigger and bigger.
I still wonder what happens to an animal’s soul when they leave this earth for surely we humans don’t have the sole market on souls. I see something when I look in my pet’s eyes. I don’t see a void, or a blank stare, I see a soul in there. No they do not have the mental capacity that we as humans have, but they have a soul I believe. They also have an innocence that no human has which I find very appealing.
So on top of my devastation at losing my precious Kaitlyn, I also have the deep sadness of losing our dog. They are in no way the same depth of sadness, not even in the same ballpark, but it is still a great sadness.
I don’t have the slightest idea of what it’s like when we leave this world and go onto whatever is beyond. I spend a great amount of time wondering what it is like because it’s horrible not knowing what your child is doing, even in death. I also wonder what happens to our animals. Some say they have no soul and when they die, it’s all over. As a matter of fact, many people think that of humans as well. Once they are dead, that is the end and for them to believe that is their right. But for me, I think we somehow all go to the same place; some place I have no idea what is like, or what form we take when we get there. When one experiences the death of someone so dear, it makes you think about these things, at least it does for me.
Sadness on top of sadness. Loss on top of loss. Emptiness on top of emptiness. All until we leave this earth and never have to worry about it again.
And it occurs to me as I think of these things; you can’t protect your children completely no matter how hard you try, and certainly not when they become an adult. You cannot completely protect your pet, not matter how much you try either. What it comes down to is that you do your best, but when your best is not good enough, it hurts.
Below is a video made when Savannah had experienced snow for the first time. She had gotten out of her invisible fence for the first time either because it didn’t work right in the snow, or she did not recognize her boundaries in the snow, but those times were rare then. When we went out to see her in the yard that morning, she was gone. We shouted out for her and then she came out of the woods having a great time.
Please do not get nauseated at the baby talk that I made with Savannah. I tend to do that with my pets, and babies. So if you can get through that, I think you will see the love we had for her. This video only last a bit over a minute.