If Kaitlyn were alive, I would have already called her a few times to make sure she did not drive on the icy, snowy roads. She would have probably poo pooed me and if she wanted to go somewhere, she would have given me plenty of reasons why it would be ok. Maybe there would have been someone nearby to go out with her and play in the snow at her apartment complex. I don’t think it’s snowed this much since she moved away. We would have talked about the snow, reminisced of all the times it did snow when she was growing up; about the snowman we once built and it took over a week before it melted. But each day it started leaning backward as it melted, leaning more and more each day until it looked like it was doing the limbo dance. I bet you remember that Stephanie.
I remember the HUGE snow December of 1989. I was extremely pregnant with Kaitlyn (she was born 1-19-90). I was as huge as the snowstorm. It was the first and only Christmas that we’ve ever had around here in memory that we had snow on Christmas. I would have talked to her about that….again.
I would have reinforced quite a few times to please be careful out in the snow. I wouldn’t want her to get into an accident because I wouldn’t be able to live without my girl, either of them. (I wouldn’t tell her the last part about not being able to live without them…..but she knew it was true).
She always told me I worried too much and that daddy and I were too intense. She always said this in her adorable way of course and we would laugh and agree.
I didn’t worry enough.
This snow day stinks. I wish she were here.
My Bright Shining Star 
It’s amazing how it’s the seemingly insignificant things that can set us off, like the snow. I’m a praying person, and you’re in my prayers.
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Thank you so much.
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I looked out the window today at the beautiful snow and I thought to myself just go out for a walk, I couldn’t get out the door, I wanted to drive down to meet you this week but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get myself out the door for anything this time a year, the anniversary of Joshua’s death is tomorrow, for so long I stopped counting the years since he passed I thought it would make it less painful, then I started to share my story and I had to count the years gone by and I can say that it was less painful not counting the years, to see the years gone by placed before me reminds me that he would be 36 today, the sadness of him not marrying and having a family breaks my heart and tomorrow has already started to be painful, I think it starts before his Birthday in Oct and chases me into the next year. . We as mothers who have lost our babies like we have need to feel thats its ok to feel sorry for ourselves without worrying what others see, we are strong enough to reach into what is left of us to feel sorry for other’s heartache and pain, keeping some for ourselves is normal and not a weakness,
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Thank you. I hope you make it through the date of his death ok. I have that yet to go through and have no idea how I will get through it. I’m so sorry that you have had the torture of losing your child and it never ends no matter how many years go by. I’ve not had years of this yet, but I know it’s true. I always think of you and my thoughts will be with you tomorrow especially.
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