Today I had to run errands and was out and about. Evidently Bladen County let its schools out early because I got behind a few school buses. As I sat there waiting for the passengers to get out, each and every time there would be a little girl around the age of 6 or 8. It made me think of Kaitlyn. My girls never got off the school bus at our house because I had them going to school in another county than where we lived to a county I worked in, but that didn’t matter. They reminded me of Kaitlyn anyway.

Every time I see a little girl of any age, a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, and on into young adulthood, all these girls remind me of Kaitlyn. And it makes me cry.

Seeing these little girls today made me cry as I drove down the road thinking of Kaitlyn being that age and her whole life before her only to end so untimely. It just breaks my heart.

It appears that this will be my life. Daggers in my heart at every turn no matter where I go, no matter what I do. Like a quote that I read, “the same leg is cut off time after time.”

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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10 Responses to Amputation

  1. I’m so sorry for your pain!! You might want to slap me for this but I look at the pain you are in, and it shows me how badly I would hurt my parents if I killed myself. So it helps me to read your truth. But I’m still very sorry for your pain.


  2. Rhonda it does ease, the gasping when you see someone from the back that has the same build or haircut/color, but barely. Three years and I still cannot see a long black leather coat, it reminds me of the one we bought Klysta for Christmas the year before she died. My niece that is two years younger, I can barely be around her, her hands are Klysta’s hands and on and on it goes. It does ease but…. my heart is with you and I offer hugs my friend I feel your pain.


  3. gatito2 says:

    Oh no, I’d never want to slap you for saying something like that. As a matter of fact I’m very happy that my pain will cause you to know what pain your parents would feel if you took your life. I’m so glad for you to see the truth, and to feel what the reality would be if you were to do that. Thank you.


  4. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I know this will go on and on and on. Even the fact that it may ease does not really help because the pain is so severe any ease would still mean horrible pain. It’s hard to grasp that reality.


  5. I personally do not feel reality is something known to me anymore…sad isn’t it?


  6. Thank YOU! You are very courageous and generous with your sharing.


  7. jmgoyder says:

    How can your pain ever lessen – I wish I knew. I wish I could wave a magic wand.


  8. grahamforeverinmyheart says:

    I know exactly what you mean. I can’t look at babies and little boys make me very sad. Everything is a reminder of my son’s absence and the great joy that I once had, but is forever gone.


  9. gatito2 says:

    I believe it will always be this way for us.


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