When Kaitlyn first died, I thought about her every single second of every single day that I was conscious. People always tell me that in time, you will not think about your loved one that has passed every second anymore, but there will be longer periods that you will go without thinking of them. This relief of mental torture sounds good in theory, but like many things in theory, the reality is quite different.
For a little while now, there may be 30 seconds or even a whole minute that the gravity of her suicide and the fact she no longer inhabits this earth does not consume my entire being, maybe a moment or two while I read or watch TV. But the horrible thing about that is, is that when I do think about her, it hits me full force again and it’s as if she has died all over again. For every moment that I remember, she dies again and again. I beg to differ that this is better than being entirely consumed.