Losing Your Child

The thing about losing a child, is that it is so very different from any other horrible thing that that can happen to a person. You cannot compare it to anything; no other kind of loss, no other kind of pain, no other kind of sadness, no other kind of wound. I don’t know any other thing that visits someone several times a day and presents itself like it just happened; like it’s the very first moment that you hear about it. It’s like a horrible, deep gashing wound that has no ability for its bleeding to clot. It has no ability to scab over but just stays there just like the moment you were sliced so very wide and deeply and continues to bleed unabated. And you wonder why you don’t die due to your life’s blood flowing out of your body, but you don’t die. You live and you get weaker with several more stabs to your body each and every day, just like the first one, just as deep, just as deadly as the first.

My amazement at this unrelenting pain never ceases.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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13 Responses to Losing Your Child

  1. Sending you big warm hug.


  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you.


  3. This post makes me sad for two reasons.
    First, My sister died at the end of 2011, meaning my parents both lost a daughter, and I lost a sister, and it’s been the hardest thing to go through I’ve ever experienced and I can only imagine how hard it is for my parents.
    Second, I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts for most of my life and literally the only thing keeping me going right now is knowing how hard it was on my parents to lose my sister and I don’t want to put them through that again. But to think that, had I succeeded, I would have caused my parents such pain is hard.


  4. gatito2 says:

    But you didn’t do it and that’s what counts. Just keep getting help for your depression and let your parents know how you feel. At least there is always hope when you do that. When you tell no one and do not get help, most of the time it does not end well. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister and I feel badly for your parents too. Thank you so much for your comments.


  5. hollyfodell says:

    I don’t usually comment but I know exactly what you mean. Although the loss is not the same as yours, I can relate to how you feel. It has been 10 years for me and it still hurts. The wound never heals and it never does scab over, it always lies there bleeding openly and all you can do is apply pressure to it to try to stop it. It helps a little but eventually you learn to keep applying that pressure and it eases it back a little.


  6. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. It’s just so hard to hold that pressure all the time.


  7. jmgoyder says:

    I wish there were some antidote for this kind of pain, Rhonda.
    ps. your book still hasn’t arrived but I got another parcel notice at PO which means it is probably there ready for me to pick up Monday – will let you know asap.


  8. AnnetteM says:

    You have to believe it will ease a bit, in time. It is still very early days and just after the first anniversary is bound to be especially difficult once you have got over the actual day. Thinking of you.


  9. gatito2 says:

    Thank you.


  10. gatito2 says:

    Thank you Julie. I could have walked and swam that book to you by now. I’m sorry it took so long and hope that it is the package that is at the post office for you.


  11. jmgoyder says:

    That’s Australia for you!


  12. hollyfodell says:

    It is very hard to hold that pressure all the time but luckily I had Patrick to help me apply that pressure. I would have never made it without him.


  13. sayno2pharma says:

    Reblogged this on ICYMI – In Case You Missed It and commented:
    This. This. Oh. My. God. This.


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