The Tram

I’ve been thinking about something lately. I’ve been really hoping for a new dream visit from Kaitlyn. Anyone that has kept up with my blog for a while knows that I’ve had a few dreams about her since her death that I don’t view as simply dreams. I feel it was her coming to see me at different stages of her life to give me messages, explanations and the gift of feeling her presence again. I did not dream about Kaitlyn until a few months after her death, but my niece had 3 before then of Kaitlyn where Kaitlyn wanted her to give me a message. I have had 5 dreams of Kaitlyn since her death. She was at different ages in each one. I got distinct messages from her in each one and I could see, feel, hear, and smell her.

The last time I dreamed of her was in February. Now here it is June and I’ve not gotten another one. They followed no rules….once I dreamed of her twice in one month, sometimes I would go a few months before I dreamed about her.

The last one I dreamed of her I posted about it here. It did not make it into my book because I had finished my book by then. Here is the post I made of it and my interpretation of it.

But as these months have gone by, I feel that the tram she got on with all the other people was not taking her to the university she was attending, but was taking her away to wherever it is people go when they die. Perhaps that was her last visit with me as she has had to move on and she has told me all she can tell me and comforted me all she has the power to do and she had to simply go now.

Yes, she is forever in my heart, my soul, my mind, my being, in every molecule of my being…..but no matter what anyone tells you, it is NOT in any way the same as having them physically here of course.

I so wish I could dream of her again. Maybe I will one day. But maybe she has had to go on.

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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6 Responses to The Tram

  1. JCox says:

    I hope you will dream of her again. I believe you will.


  2. gatito2 says:

    I hope so.


  3. mewhoami says:

    I believe that some dreams have deeper meanings, especially when there is a loved one involved, a loved one who is no longer living. I read the most you mentioned. Maybe it was goodbye. The goodbye that you never got the chance to have. Or, maybe it was her way of apologizing for what she had done “I just wanted to be happy…” That sounds like an apology to me, because those are the same words I would often say when I would apologize to my mother. I do hope though, that you see her again in your dreams, but if not, then maybe you can find comfort knowing that you were able to hold her again and that she has been able to move on.


  4. Anonymous. says:

    I too hope you’ll dream of her again- and I think it’s very likely that you will. I read your description and interpretation of your dream again and I feel that you were so accurate. The tram was taking her away from the place where we put on ” performances” in our daily lives- and I am so reminded of her beautiful poem you shared about costumes and masks. All those props that she has now shed, which someday we will shed too. I hope you’ll have the comfort of her presence in a dream, so you can give her a big, loving hug 🙂 I believe she will come to you again.


  5. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I believe you are right in many ways. But the “I just wanted to be happy” that she said meant that this is what eluded her in life and not being happy is why she did what she did. I do cherish these dreams.


  6. gatito2 says:

    I hope she comes back to me in a dream again too, until the day we meet again.


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