Videos that are important to me

About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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33 Responses to Videos that are important to me

  1. Christine O. says:

    I see this now and it pains me. To imagine how much pain you must have been in when you posted this. I am so sorry you are gone. But I know your pain is as well. And you are with your precious daughter. R.I.P.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Anonymous. says:

    I am alarmed to read the comment above- I hope you will post something and let us know how you are doing. Your readers care for you more than you might realize, since I know we are sort of ” invisible” in your day to day life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. catecumen says:

    I’m sorry, Anonymous, but Rhonda will never be posting here again. She is with Kaitlyn now.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anonymous. says:

    I am so, so sorry to read this. Rhonda was such a special person, just as Kaitlyn sounded to be. Thank you for the link. I truly hope they have both found the peace they sought.


  5. robin1967 says:

    God be with you Rhonda…


  6. I will miss Rhonda. I am so saddened that she could no longer bear the pain. I will always remember her.


  7. Anonymous. says:

    Rhonda, I will write to you here since that is how we had always communicated. I am so very sorry to hear that this has happened. You have touched so many people, simply by being yourself: kind, considerate, caring. Out of the tragedy of losing your lovely daughter, it had seemed that you had found a new voice and used it to serve others as an advocate. You helped many people, and I am so, so sorry that it feels like in this last part of your life here with us on Earth, you did not receive the peace and comfort that you needed. You loved all your family with a pure and obvious love, and I am so sad for those you’ve left. I hope that in the future they are able to rebuild some sense of peace. I think especially of Stephanie; your love and admiration for her was so strong.

    In our exchanges in the past we had wondered about the cosmos and all the things we didn’t know. You know now what you’d been aching to know. And I hope you’ve found the peace which evaded you at the end. I hope you have been reunited with your precious Kaitlyn. Everything that you so loved and admired in her, I could see in you. For me, just a follower of your blog, your voice is missed. You are missed. Wherever you now are in our great cosmos and beyond, I will not ever forget you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. lensgirl53 says:

    two shining stars…..a part of a forever constellation.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. catecumen says:

    Anonymous, may I re-post your comment to the Facebook memorial event for Rhonda?


  10. Anonymous. says:

    Absolutely- thank you for doing so. I don’t have a FB account currently so I would appreciate that.


  11. Cathy in Missouri says:

    Rhonda, what others said – I feel too.

    What I write here, you will not read. But I cannot stop reaching for you. This is only the smallest sliver of what you bore every day – reaching for Kaitlyn.

    This, the way we “talked” in the months since I found your blog. You poured out your heart. I read every post. I sometimes made a comment, always felt I was treading on sacred ground. Your love for Kaitlyn, your desire to make her known, your efforts to spare others the same pain you could not escape yourself – you and Kaitlyn mattered to me from the first. The first time I read your words, there was a connection. You spoke to the deepest pain and longing the human heart can feel. You were honest. You were real. You suffered – and reached out to the suffering.

    And oh – you loved Kaitlyn so much. So, so, so much. There was never any doubt. And she loved you, too. There was never any doubt.

    The pain that drove you both away from us – oh, if only, if only… If only anything could have been done. If only words mattered at all, faced with pain so enormous. Words will never touch it. If only there had been some solace for you, in knowing how many lives you and your Kaitlyn had impacted.

    But what solace could there be? Nothing could bring back your girl. No amount of helping others. No amount of reaching out. Nothing would bring her back. You carried that impossible weight every moment since she died. That impossible weight.

    I wish I could have carried it. I wish I could have lessened it. I wish I could have softened it. That is impossible. No one was able. Many wished, and none of us was able.

    But I wish we could. I wish I could. I wish I could have taken some of that impossible weight off of you. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. For you. For Kaitlyn. For your family. Oh, Rhonda.

    I can’t believe that you are gone.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You said it all. i think we all agree with you and wished so much that we could have helped Rhonda more.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon says:

    I hope you all will stop by my blog, as I have a “Special Tribute & Remembrance” post up for Rhonda. I’m still in shock, and still trying to get my head around this. She had always been there for me when I needed a ‘lift up’, and I had no idea she was needing the same. She advocated tirelessly with me and many of us in the blogging & mental health community. I know she now has some Peace and Serenity being with Kaitlyn in heaven. Knowing her beautiful spirit, she will continue her work in spirit. I miss so much already! XOXO

    Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon XOXO


  14. drwexlerpsych says:

    In April 2013, while I was working in a rural area, I lost a teenage patient to suicide. I was devastated. Two months later a family friend lost her son. I was bereft. I went online looking for support. Every time I googled “physicians coping with patient suicide” Rhonda’s name came up. We became email friends and I contributed a chapter to her book.
    Rhonda had a huge amount to contribute to the job of stopping physician suicide. She was a life saver for me. I left that difficult job July 1 and moved to a city, and a very wonderful job. Rhonda had told me she was planning to make a change also, and return to work. So, this is an awful shock. In her memory, I am making a big effort to reach out to people in person. I regret so much that I never got in my car and drove to meet Rhonda in person. If I ever connect with someone online like that again, that is what I will do. I regret also that I never helped her “take the book on the road” to medical schools. We had spoken about a year ago of possibly doing that, but we both kept putting it off. What a tragedy.


  15. gatito2 says:

    I am Allyn, Rhonda’s husband. Rhonda bought many copies of her book and sent them to med schools across the country. She would contact the counselors at the schools and ask if she could donate them to the school. Some would get one for the library and one for the counselor. I thought I would pass this to you.

    Liked by 5 people

  16. Nancy says:

    Welcome Allyn! *Hugs* We’ve all been so worried about you and Stephanie. The last few days must seem like a blur to you. Rhonda wrote so lovingly of you both that we feel we know you. I’m so glad you can access her blog. We’ve all treasured the many videos, photos and descriptions of your family life over the years. What happy times you had with your girls during your trips and celebrations :).

    I’m sure you know better than we do how many lives Rhonda has touched with her gentle spirit. I know she has saved lives through her book and her tireless efforts.

    I hope the hundreds of messages you’ve received have given you a little bit of comfort.
    I live in Toronto and never met Rhonda or Kaitlyn, but I think of them constantly throughout the day.

    If and when you feel up to communicating with Rhonda’s on-line community, please do so. We care very deeply for you and Stephanie (and your extended family). We want to help you through this painful time in any way we can.

    With deepest sympathy,



  17. mewhoami says:

    Such terrible news. Rhonda was such an inspiration with her compassion and desire to help others, and all of her efforts to put an end to these terrible tragedies. I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers go out to the family.


  18. mewhoami says:

    Never have I truly listened to the words of that song, until today. To know that she posted this the day before she would end her life, is absolutely heartbreaking…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. drwexlerpsych says:

    Thank you, Allyn, for taking the time to tell me this.
    I’m so, so sorry for your loss, of both Kaitlyn and Rhonda.
    As a physician who was struggling with a very difficult job situation, Rhonda’s support was incredibly meaningful and life saving. Exactly one year ago, I found myself very depressed. I had 10 months left of my medical student loan repayment contract, where I had to care for 20 plus patients per day, including weekends, while I also had to witness unethical behavior, the effects of rural poverty, and cope with adverse events. Rhonda was so supportive. She blogged one day about her anger about what doctors face, and sent me the link. She always responded to the late night emails I occasionally sent while on call, and was understanding about my periodic absences. I had initially felt a great deal of guilt about leaving those patients who desperately needed care and pursuing a fellowship in child psychiatry. Rhonda encouraged me to take care of myself and leave that job. I’m very happy I did this. I love being in fellowship. Something fun happens every day, I love interacting with medical students and residents.
    I’m so sorry that in the process of transitioning from that job to fellowship in July, I didn’t have time to keep in touch with Rhonda. I hope that somehow she knows that her support resulted in a great deal of happiness for me.


  20. Aimee says:

    Oh, Allyn, I am so sorry for your loss. I did not know Rhonda well, but we talked a bit on the Alliance of Hope forum. I just heard the news today. I’m a blogger too, and when Rhonda wanted to start blogging she sent me a private message and I talked her through the process. I am so heartbroken to hear that she is gone. She was so kind to me. I put up a short blog post about her today. I will miss her.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Uncle Spike says:

    I have just heard, and I am so choked. Rhonda and I emailed a few times, and ‘chatted’ on our respective blogs. I emailed her just a day ago, as I had not heard from here for a while.

    Rest in peace now.

    Allyn, if you see this, our thoughts are with you. Not that it’ll make any difference, I know, I was widowed once and lost a fiance to accidental suicide – so I know hpow little comfort words can be. Rhonda was special, she’s helped me no end.



  22. Iñigo Boy says:

    Rest in peace, Rhonda.
    My condolences to the family.


  23. Dear Rhonda,

    I hope that even while you are in heaven, you will hear this. I miss you. We all miss you.

    You didn’t need to make this difference in my life, but you did.

    Now you will be able to be with Kaitlyn once again.

    You will not be forgotten.

    With sadness and love,


  24. Cathy in Missouri says:

    Rhonda, I can’t stop missing you. Can’t stop wanting to reach and find you there. Wish for your words. Search for your insights.

    Write you here, knowing you will not read. Why? But I can’t stop. I miss you.

    My paltry missing – someone who never knew you in “real” life, knew only the Rhonda of words through a screen – it’s nothing to what your husband and daughter feel. Nothing at all.

    They miss Kaitlyn. They miss you. Miss is not a big enough word. There is no word big enough. Words are offensive and silly and worthless for this missing.

    I wish – I wish – I wish – I wish. And wishing does nothing, goes nowhere.

    Oh, Rhonda…wishes won’t work and they don’t help.

    Every day, remembering you. Remembering Kaitlyn. Remembering those who remember you far, far beyond my remembering.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. mainbean says:

    Allyn and Stephanie,
    I am so sorry for your loss and know as I write this that words are so pitiful in the face of tragedy. I found this blog around the time I started writing about my sisters suicide. I have has such fear for my mother as I read the words written here and try to understand a mothers loss when I can only understand as a sister. My heart breaks for you both – I came to congratulate Rhonda on being published!
    My prayers are with you.

    To everyone that reads these words – we have to try to keep people talking, keep waking each other up to the risks of suicide.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Uncle Spike says:

    Finally located a version of the second video Rhonda posted…


  27. Pingback: why I talk to those left behind by suicide | blahpolar diaries

  28. Anonymous says:

    RIP both of you. My heart is filled with pain.


  29. Cathy in Missouri says:

    Yes, and mine. Allyn, Stephanie – you have been even more in my heart and thoughts. Such terrible suffering, such horrifying loss.

    Rhonda and Kaitlyn – not forgotten. Desperately missed.


  30. Anonymous says:

    I’m sorry,


  31. Anonymous says:

    I cannot follow your book because you did not follow your own advice


  32. Holly says:

    For the short time that I knew Rhonda, I liked her and she was a very nice and sweet woman. When you suffer from depression all your life and something like this happens, one’s depression can get a million times worse. We all always give better advice, advice that we should listen to and follow but it is not always that easy. I can tell the kind of woman that Rhonda is just by looking at her daughter Stephanie. She is an amazing woman and it broke my heart when Rhonda passed away but part of me understood why. I am sorry that you feel that way but have you always taken for yourself the advice that you give to others?


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