This blog is about my long, horrible journey of trying to recover from my daughter Kaitlyn Elkins’ suicide on 4-11-13. She was 23, a 3rd year medical student who was doing well in school, had friends, and had everything in the world to live for. She never in her life displayed that she was depressed whatsoever, so this was a devastating shock. She stated in her suicide note to us that she had been sad all her life and she could no longer bear the weight of it, even if she had a seemingly bright future. This from my child who acted happy all her life. She said she loved us, we were the best parents in the world, and that it was just her. She stated this was the only thing to do that made sense to her. My husband and I are devastated, but he has gone back to work and keeps busy. All I do is lay around here and cry and write and think of my bright shining star, who I was very close to, is now gone. A promising life ahead, years of hard work to achieve her goals…..all gone. My kindred spirit and heart, gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever have any semblance of healing, but I write. I write to get it out, I write for her.
Be warned that my writing is full of emotion and is raw. I hold very little back. I only hold back some things that would make people worry about my wellbeing because I’m so sad. Otherwise, you will know what horror it is to lose a child, especially to suicide. To those that find me and know how it feels, you have found someone you can relate to. For those that find me and are depressed and suicidal, you have found someone you can talk to. To others that have experienced none of this, I welcome you too and I welcome all comments here or by my email. Some may wonder how I can write at all, but it is really my only salvation and the only way I know how to survive at all.
My name is Rhonda Elkins and we live in a small town in southeastern North Carolina. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you ever want to email me instead of comment here. I would love to communicate. I’m a Registered Nurse and have been for 20 years. I have not worked another day since the day I learned my daughter died.
UPDATE: It is 3-2014 and I have just finished the book I’ve written about Kaitlyn, depression and suicide. Here is the link where it can be purchased. I wrote this book to help me in my grieving, keep Kaitlyn’s memory alive, and to hopefully help others out there that suffer in silence:
Here is also my facebook page about my book.