New Fall Flowers

I bought some new pretty fall flowers for the grave of my daughter that should not be there. She should be running around a hospital floor in her white coat with “Kaitlyn Elkins, Medical Student” on her name tag. But instead she is here in this small town she never wanted to continue to be in. I know she is not really here though. She loved her small town, but she was always looking forward to flying away one day. Baby, you flew too far.

flowers

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About gatito2

My name is Rhonda. I'm a registered nurse, for the last 20 years, that has not been able to work since the day I learned of my daughter's death by suicide 4-12-13. (She actually died 4-11-13 and her body was not found until the 12th) Me and my husband have been married for 32 years and he's a wonderful man. We grieve in different ways. He works, I write. This is my journey through this horrible land of losing a child..
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8 Responses to New Fall Flowers

  1. olgatodd says:

    May her soul rest in peace and may you have all the strength you need

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  2. gatito2 says:

    Thank you. I don’t really think I have the strength I need. It’s mind boggling to think how much is needed. I don’t think there is that much.

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  3. I love what you wrote on her headstone (yes, that headstone that shouldn’t exist because Kaitlyn should be here). It reminds me of the nightly exchange between Graham and I (he was about 3 or 4 then) when we would try to compete for the most extravagantly elaborate declaration of our infinite love for each other. How much I always treasured those wonderful conversations!

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  4. gatito2 says:

    “I love you bigger than the universe” is something I told Kaitlyn regularly all her entire life. She would tell me that also. We were both interested in things of the universe, all the stars and galaxies, and what could be out there and how vast the universe is. That was one of our shared interests. So I always told her that meaning that my love was more than the universe can contain. I told her that the last time I saw her. I also told her all her life she was my bright shining star. I was torn between putting that on her headstone or the universe. The universe won out but either would have been so appropriate. But I did name my blog My Bright Shining Star, because she is. It’s wonderful the memories we have, isn’t it? Just so sad there will be no new ones.

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  5. A Hot Mess says:

    She is not there. The body is but a shell. Her spirit is everywhere.

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  6. gatito2 says:

    I know. I feel her less there than anywhere I go. But it is a memorial to her and I must ensure that it is beautiful, and I believe I have. But no, she’s not there.

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  7. I wish I had been able to express those feelings as freely when my son was older, but being male (and very shy) he no longer wanted to engage in that sort of talk (I guess that would be weird with a young adult male). Still, I always felt that way. How nice that you were always able to say that to Kaitlyn. (And now I know you’re thinking about how even that wasn’t enough…)

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  8. gatito2 says:

    You know, it’s funny, but wonderful, that Kaitlyn would let me indulge in such things. I often asked her if she wanted me to quit saying some of the things I said since she was a grown woman, but she would always smile and say no, that she liked it, and she did. She always let me love her so freely. It was a gift to me.

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